30/07/2010 08:43 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Achtung Baby Or Skating On Thin Ice

The Germans call it in-line skating. I think we call it roller-blading, but then I may be out of date. Again.

Either way they love it here. It is not restricted to the young Baywatch types, but all ages, shapes and sizes and they pop up all over the place. Even in supermarkets which resulted in a recent addition to my list of things that should be "verboten". That along with pastel coloured cashmere pullovers tied loosely around men's shoulders (to be seen with certainty in certain areas of Hamburg) and socks and sandals (to be seen, well everywhere).

I digress. As this type of exercise looked quite fun, not too much like hard work and more importantly apparently excellent for posteriors traveling in a southerly direction, I thought I'd have a crack. Unlikely to be winning any prizes in the near future (ever) and simply unable to do that effortless twirly going backwards thing that those bothersome kids do, I can at least propel myself forward and keep going. I can't stop yet but I'm sure that will come.

I had steeled myself for it. I knew it was coming. I girded my loins (yet another appalling "loin" phrase). I was determined not to crumble. But crumble I did. In a way not dissimilar to A Cadbury's Flake. Mumfail.

You know what's coming.

"Mama, I want some. Pleeeease. No, I will use them. No, I won't use them for a day/week/couple of hours and then become rampantly bored and hide them under a pile of Playmobil. I really really want some. Pleeease!"

You get the picture.

Finje has size 28 feet. I don't know what that is in Queen's English but suffice it to say, not big. Disappointingly, they do sell in-line skates for feet this size which is damn irresponsible if you ask me. Finje is now the proud owner of such a pair. I might add they were not cheap. Neither was all the padding that one simply must buy if one wants to avoid two Mumfails in a 24 hour period.

Oh how excited was she? All the right stuff, looking like a stunted Iron Man out on the path. Two minutes on her feet.

First fall.

"Don't want to do this anymore"


In-line skates befriend Playmobil.

At least they are adjustable.

Am I unhinged?