10/08/2010 15:41 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Diary Of A 5-Year-Old: Confused

I don't think I want to be a grown up, even if you can go to bed whenever you want. Grown ups don't do half the cool things kids do. Dad gets really tired really quickly when we play catch which is so boring. He always wants to stop and says he is out of breath but that's not true because I know he has lots more. I don't really know what out of breath means. It's like when mummy tells me I have put my shoes on the wrong feet but they are definitely my feet aren't they?

Grown ups get mad and shout a lot too. When mummy gets angry she always says "How many times do I have to tell you to do something?" I have learned that it's the best thing not to answer that question. But sometimes when she asks me something and I don't answer then she gets all mad and says "Am I talking to myself?"

Dad is always saying that laughter is the best medicine but that can't be right either. I don't think laughing would make a broken leg better would it? Also if dad is shouting it's not good to laugh then.

Dad says if mummy is not happy no one is happy but if I have ice cream I'm happy, definitely.

When my uncle came over to visit from Australia mummy cried when we picked him up from the airport. That was weird because she had been really excited about seeing him. Dad said she was crying because she was happy! What??

It must be very confusing being a grown up so I have decided to stay five. Or maybe six so I can have a birthday party.

Also, I think kids should have instructions for their parents like the ones from Ikea that dad always shouts at and rips up.