17/08/2010 09:45 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Achtung Baby Or Extreme Water Sliding

In pursuance of positive parenting achievements, I took Finje swimming yesterday. I confess it was four months since our last outing to the pool but in my defense I needed that time to recover from the trauma of thinking I was going to be stuck with a wimp-child forever.

This pool is not designed for serious rubber-headed water bullet types. It's a thermal spa. Or something. A house of soggy fun by any other name. Its inside/outside pool, whirlpools, slides of varying sizes and speed, floaty salt water areas and water spurting amphibians are all designed with the pursuit of fun and frolics in mind.

Finje, obviously not savvy to this information, screamed at the waves, detested the bubbles and refused point blank to go down the water slide where other tots were queuing to repeat the merriment.
Oh the shame of a yellow-bellied child.

We left last time with me muttering about paying 14 euros to sit and shiver in 2 inches of pee-warm water for an hour and a sore throat from 60 minutes of trying to persuade my daughter to grow a backbone.

Mean? Probably.
Unfair? Definitely.
Mumfail? 100%

Not keen to repeat the experience but motivated by the greater fear that Finje would cultivate a serious water-angst we went for round two.

This time however I had a secret weapon.

The Noodle!

The long, flexible, brightly coloured Styrofoam (?) float aides. She only used it in the warm, salty water pool area and then discarded it for arm bands but, nevertheless.. result! It was like a metamorphosis.

Waves? HA HA HA, we mock the waves. We jump in them and giggle like loons. Bubbles? HO HO HO, we scoff at bubbles. We find them hilarious and do not want to be removed from them. Ever. Oh, except perhaps for the.... water slide. Puh, not that little piddling two meter long excuse for a water slide. Nay nay, give me that four meter high, tubular whirling, swirling, swooshing, surging monster slide there. We shall do that and then, beware, for I shall not cry and whine I shall ask to go on many more times and giggle in a cute appealing fashion that will make you proud.

So now I'm wondering.

Is it time to try skiing again?