03/03/2011 05:25 GMT | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Hotel Review: Abama Golf &Amp; Spa Resort, Tenerife

Is it possible to stalk a hotel? I asked myself this apparently ridiculous question as I entered the lobby of the Abama Golf & Spa resort in Tenerife for the EIGHTH TIME in THREE YEARS. Well, there are people who fall in love with the Statue of Liberty and who marry bridges, so why not?

Abama Resort, Tenerife Courtesy of Abama Golf Resort & Spa

And it's not like I chose just any old place to pester. Imagine the garden of Eden with seven swimming pools and sweet, smart, sassy staff instead of some stirry old snake slithering amongst the acres of botanic bliss, and you've got Abama. An epic pink citadel framed by snow-topped Mount Teide on one side and the smallest, most perfectly-formed beach on the other - reached by a funicular! - at night it becomes a shimmering pleasure dome housing ten restaurants, four bars and a nightclub, all lit with thousands of fairy lights and flaming torches.

With a word-class spa and golf course, there's a whole bunch of stuff to do if you're bored or boring. But I was with the one person on earth whose company I never - O.K, very rarely - tire of, and Abama is also the best location for world-class idling, mooching and boozing I've ever come across. Stay in the Tagor Villas - shutters and Bulgari in the bathroom, a pillow menu on the bed - in the tropical flower gardens near the beach, and you get all the amenities of the hotel PLUS perfect privacy, a no-children policy (Abama boasts the only crèche in the Canaries) and free beer by the private pool all day. Plus, if you're in a villa you get your own golf buggy for the entire stay - a child's dream of driving, with no parking problems or breathalyser blitzes.

Abama Resort, Tenerife Courtesy of Abama Golf Resort & Spa

Though the buzz of the plush Costa Adeje and the hectic Playas de las Americas are just a cab-hop away, the feeding of the super-sized, comical yet strangely elegant koi carp - who weave their way through Abama's numerous lagoons and waterfalls - at mid-day is about frenetic as it gets here. Life becomes a blur of lush watering holes; breakfast overlooking the sea, morning beers by the private pool, lunch by the infinity pool, afternoon cocktails at the adult pool and sundowners at the Beach Club, all leading up to le jazz hot and los vodkatinis freezing cold in the Lobby Bar.

After a week of such intense relaxation you're refreshed and ready to return to the fray. But that last backwards glance is always a wistful one. With the weather of the Caribbean (even the rain is warm ), the service of the Indian Ocean and the nearness of Europe, Abama feels like that gorgeous marriage you finally lucked into after some sadly sub-standard attempts at finding happiness.

So wait for me, my darling - I may flirt with other 5-star bits of fluff before I return next winter, but it's you I love!

Visit Abama Golf & Spa Resort for more details, or call (+34) 902 105 600 for reservations.