25/03/2011 09:11 GMT | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

How Happy Are You? Moments Like This

How happy are you? Apparently the Prime Minister David Cameron is to officially measure how happy we all are. He's going to ask statisticians to come up with a questionnaire that quantifies whether we're getting more jolly – or not – as a nation.

I thought perhaps I could be of some assistance with this and have devised my own list of questions I strongly feel should be included on his list:

• How much sleep did you get last night? And did your husband move a muscle when the baby needed her dummy sticking back in – for the tenth time – at 3am?

• Was the sun shining when you opened your bedroom curtains this morning? Could you, in fact, see any shade of blue at all?

• Did the postman bring news from afar contained in something other than a brown envelope or one with a horrible see through window thingy?

• Were you able to open your wardrobe, pull out something ironed, and notice with delight it didn't, then, have a blob of dried sick on the shoulder?

• At 8am, were all your children sitting in the car – hair brushed, teeth cleaned, happily testing each other on their nine times tables?

• Did your dog – just for once, on its morning walk – not try to hump the arthritic Labrador with cataracts and a really grumpy owner?

• When you went to withdraw money at the cashpoint did it say: 'Just twenty? Here, take two hundred and treat yourself!'

Sigh. Happiness can be measured in many ways. But not, I fear, by a questionnaire from the coalition government.

Read more Moments Like This ponderings here.