So it’s finally arrived. After all the hype, Celebrity Big Brother has kicked off its 2011 season, with ten new guests in the house, most long and well-anticipated, but with some proper surprises in there too.
It’s already sizing up to be an almighty battle of the alpha-females, with the pouts of Kerry Katona, Sally Bercow, Tara Reid and Amy Childs all competing for centre-stage.
Katona is a freshly cropped and bleached, shiny-button version of her former self, good to see, and obviously hoping to convey the same chippy northern charm that won her I’m A Celebrity. But she may not prove so successful this time around - she’s already been charged with the first house challenge, to throw an almighty diva strop and see if she can alienate the rest of the house in one full swoop.
Her fellow blondes Bercow and Reid look faintly bemused by proceedings so far. Bercow, wife of the Speaker of the House of Commons, has already weathered enough controversy on her way into the house, so I hope she lasts long enough to justify the hoo-hah.
Hollywood starlet Reid (seen in American Pie) has already had quite a week of it, after being married quietly and spontaneously in Greece at the weekend. It’s a strange way to spend a honeymoon.
Meanwhile, Childs has jumped ship from The Only Way Is Essex to try her luck in this game of celebrity roulette. Trading in one reality show that made you famous for doing nothing, for another where you do nothing but be famous, might sound like a strange way to make a living, but it’s already secured her plenty of column inches. What next – a telegenic boyfriend?
Enter Paddy Doherty, perhaps not on the face of it a likely soulmate for any of the pneumatic blondes but, like Childs, an alumnus of reality TV, in his case Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
Bringing some sun-kissed stateside glamour is former Baywatch babe Pamela Bach. She’s all fingernails, hair extensions and a St-Tropez special, and best known in this country as the ex-wife of the Hoff. Bach was worried about the length of her skirt as she ascended the staircase and moaning that she’d been up since 4:30am. She’s going to have to toughen up.
Male eye-candy has arrived in the form of Bobby Sabel - Calvin Klein model, shaggy haircut, Mourinho-esque stubble, collar turned up and self-professed “car crash when it comes to beautiful women”. Watching the ladies pretend not to watch him too closely when he appeared in the house was priceless.
Waterloo Road actor Lucien Laviscount seems a natural candidate for the role of Sabel’s wingman. Laviscount revealed he only knew two days ago he’d be entering the House – did someone drop out? But his comparative lack of infamy should not necessarily prevent him going far in this popularity contest – if there’s one thing we’ve learnt from previous series, it’s always the quiet ones.
Finally, Jedward drew the loudest cheers of the night, bounding onto stage in tiger-striped morning suits, shyly announcing that “the only people who don’t know us are probably newborn babies”. And what’s even stranger is that they’re probably right.
Never mind the overall prize, there are all sorts of other contests going on: longest hair extension, best spray-tan, best-maintained quiff…as well as all sorts of potential romantic liaisons.
Probably the best kept secret, considering his high profile, is the arrival of ‘Mr Paparazzi’ Darren Lyons, in his usual understated style. He’s immediately assumed the role of master of ceremonies which is unsurprising – he’s been trading in photos of this bunch for so long he probably feels as though he knows them all intimately.
Lyons’ Aussie no-nonsense attitude might prove a necessary breath of fresh air in the weeks to come, and checking out the state of his pink Mohawk if he makes it through to the latter stages could well be worth the price of admission alone.