He's not even real.
Ted's a stuffed bear, full of worldly wisdom and profanity in equal measure, sent to this world to keep his childhood friend/owner John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) off the straight and narrow deep into adult life, much to the consternation of John's grown-up love Lori (Mila Kunis).
Ted can always find a friend
But this filthy-mouthed furry friend, busy with a bong, a harem of sociable gals and a whole load of bubble bath, created and voiced by Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane, has got them flocking - to the tune of £9.32 million for the first week in cinemas.
Much to the relief of Universal Studios after the never-to-be-mentioned Battleship, Ted has brought them their second biggest-ever box office haul (behind only Bridget Jones Diary £10.43m), and the most successful opening in five years - ahead of Mamma Mia (£6.59m).
Mark Wahlberg and Seth MacFarlane bring every boy's childhood fantasy to life
With this tidy sum to show for its first week, Ted has also entered the record books as the fifth most successful comedy opening of all time - after The Inbetweeners (£13.22m), Bridget Jones 2 (£10.43m), The Hangover 2 (£10.4m) and Hancock (£9.58m).
Ted is in cinemas now. Watch the FAMILY VERSION of the trailer below...