Manchester City could, like their one-time target Kaká (remember how funny that was?) belong to Jesus, pronounced "hay-soos". So Jesús, not Zeus, as in father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't f**k with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus."
Following that delicate reference to Die Hard with a Vengenace, on with the details. Jesús Navas, the Sevilla and Spain winger, is closer to joining City in a £25 million deal, write the Sun.
Sevilla boss Unai Emery said of the 27-year-old: “Everything indicates he will leave.”
Navas added: “Manchester City are a team I like.”
Two-plus-two equals what?
You've gotta have faith
Mario Gómez's parting gift to Bayern Munich was two goals in their DFB-Pokal final triumph against Stuttgart on Saturday, and as soon as two days later Bild report he has agreed a deal with Napoli.
A prolific goalscorer in the Bundesliga with Bayern and Saturday's conquests, Gómez is only 27 and although Napoli finished second in Serie A it is mildly surprising a bigger club has not considered someone with such an outstanding goals-to-games ratio. Maybe they still remember his gormless displays at Euro 2008.
Beer we go: Mario Gómez is unimpressed with our pun
This is essentially a repeat, but the Star has belatedly added David Luíz will be sold by José Mourinho, who is evidently not impressed by the Brazilian centre-back.
Real Madrid, now bereft of Mourinho, are ready to break the world transfer record by splashing out £85m for Tottenham's Gareth Bale. The sooner that "saga" ends, the better. Like Star Wars. Oh, wait...
Last summer was too quiet for Madrid, but parity is set to be restored and the mayhem which Mourinho began is set to continue after Gonzalo Higuaín revealed he wanted to join a club where he was wanted.
Arsenal have already been linked with a move although Juventus are apparently the likeliest destination for the 25-year-old Argentine. Fernando Llorente will move to Turin this summer on a free from Athletic Bilbao, which could make for a congested attacking area for the Old Lady...
Can I not do better than Arsenal?
The Serie A champions remain interested in Fiorentina's Stevan Jovetić too, another striker Arsenal are supposedly monitoring. La Viola have told the Bianconeri they will accept no less than £25m for the Montenegrin, say Corriere Dello Sport.
Remaining in Italy and Napoli chairman Aurelio de Laurentiis says Edinson Cavani will cost prospective suitors £54m, say Marca.
Back in Blighty and Brendan Rodgers' quest to quietly undermine Pepe Reina continues as the Guardian write Sunderland's Simon Mignolet has emerged as a target for Liverpool.
Rodgers has been keen to sell Reina since he arrived at Anfield and with the Spaniard's deputy the unreliable Brad Jones Liverpool are in need of a goalkeeper.
Luis Suárez definitely, absolutely, positively, 100% wants to leave, he helpfully informed the world on Friday, which means Liverpool may also need a couple of strikers if one of the best forwards in the world departs Anfield.
Christian Benteke, who enjoyed a superb debut campaign in England with Aston Villa and scored three times against the Reds last season, is being monitored, say the Mail.
Coming to a corner flag near you?
Worryingly for Rodgers, there are fears Daniel Sturridge could miss the start of next season after he suffered an injury playing for England against the Republic of Ireland last week. Suárez, should he stay, will miss the opening six games of the season as his suspension for biting Branislav Ivanović continues.