11/07/2013 16:38 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Made In Chelsea: Tension! Hypocrisy! Francis Eats A Big Sandwich!

There were confrontations. There were high heels for men. Spencer spoke French and Francis made a huge sandwich. THIS is why Made In Chelsea is a BAFTA-winning outfit, says Will Gore

So this week Made in Chelsea triumphed at the TV Baftas and I pass on my heartfelt congratulations to all concerned. The MiC crew carried away the award in the relatively new "best constructed dross based on reality" category and I'm not sure a prize has ever been more richly deserved.

francis boulle

Cynics might think that to award a show like MiC cheapens the good name of Bafta. If that's how you're thinking then at least take solace from the fact the win for the Sloane drones irritated the hell out of Lord Sir Alan Sugar - a small consolation perhaps, but a consolation nevertheless.

In this week of victory it was time for Made in Chelsea to really show off all the qualities that so impressed those cultured Bafta voters and, boy, did it deliver.

For starters Francis ate a big sandwich (a massive award-winning sandwich, I might add). From that highpoint things just got better and better. There was Spencer asking Lucy what kind of padlocks she likes and, just to prove what a classy show this is, he even spoke in French at one point (Comprendez vous, Lord Sucre?)

Then there was Proudlock and Jamie going shoe shopping. Would Jamie buy the high-heeled boots his so-called mate was trying to get him to snap up?

Such is the Bafta-winning genius of MiC, us viewers were left hanging without an answer. I don't think I can remember a telly cliff-hanger as exciting since that time in Neighbours when Bouncer lost his favourite stick.

More moments of Bafta-standard brilliance included scenes involving Mark Francis hard at work on the first issue of his new magazine, which he appears to be running on his own from a room inside Windsor Castle

Like a Bond villain more camp and far more sinister than Javier Bardem's recent effort, Mark suggested to Victoria that they shoot Binky and, such was his sneer, for a second or two I was a tad worried for the poor girl's future prospects. Thankfully, it turned out he had picked Binky to be the model for the cover of the first edition of his mag rather than as a legitimate target for assassination.

All jokes aside (yes, those were jokes), what the Bafta voters were clearly responding to was the high drama of MiC's various on-off/gone off relationships. Last night we got more love triangles than Jeremy Kyle would know what to do with.

Proudlock and Josh were fighting to get their hands on a bit of Lettice like a couple of fatties the day before a Weight Watchers weigh in. That was nothing though compared to the epic entanglements involving Spencer and Louise, and a whole host of others. What began somewhere as a love triangle has morphed into something more akin to a love octagon, if you could imagine such a thing.

Listen carefully and try to keep up: Spencer and Louise have now split up, but have carried on, er, keeping each other company of a night. Despite this, Spencer has got his greasy mitts on Lucy, while Louise has gone off on a date with Andy. (He wowed her with a night out at the local bowling alley – was that Streatham MegaBowl or did mine eyes deceive me?)

Even though they've found new love interests pretty quickly, Louise had a go at Lucy for dating her ex, and with the kind of spectacular hypocrisy which has become one of his trademarks, Spencer had a go at Andy for "thinking with his dick". For his part, Andy has left Fran heartbroken, ditching her after only one date.

So where does all of this stuff and nonsense leave us then? Absolutely nowhere, let's be honest. I fear my brain cell count might be diminishing with every MiC episode watched. Still, this rubbish has won a bloody Bafta so what do I know?

Episode Five: Phoebe-Lettice And Proudlock Get Screen Time, Plus Andy Hits On Louise!
Episode Four: A Trip To The Country And An Inevitable Break-Up
Episode Three: Smut Is In The Air, Plus The Ultimate Spenny And Louise Showdown
Episode Two: Jamie's Got A Girlfriend! But Tries It On With Phoebe Anyway
Episode One: Made In Chelsea's Back! And Spenny's Got Beef With, Like, EVERYONE