11/07/2013 20:21 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

The Only Way Is Essex: Gym Bunnies And Boob Compliments

Abi and Jasmin are being wooed by Daniel and James, so they do the obvious thing and rate their bums while on a double date. Classic TOWIE, says Will Gore

Nothing reminds you you're watching an episode of TOWIE quite like a gym montage featuring a pair of curvy women in tight clothes bending over repeatedly to a funky disco beat.

And so, in this familiar vein, the latest dispatch from Essex got underway. This time it was Abi and Jasmin whose turn it was to do their very worst Mr Motivator impressions. With their make up on and brows untroubled by even a bead of sweat, they did a sterling job of pretending to work out.

gym towie

Of course, the fact that they are not athletes is, like most things that occur in The Only Way is Essex, entirely beside the point. In this show a gymnasium is simply a place for great minds to converge and discuss the mysteries of the age, a little like those cafés in Paris once frequented by the likes of Sartre, Hemingway and Picasso. Or in other words, it's the kind of place Jasmine and Abi can meet to talk about which boys they are planning on snogging in the near future.

And Daniel and James were their targets this time around. Date night was in the offing and the lads' had big plans, whisking Jasmin and Abi off for a night at the driving range. Clearly they felt they were onto a winner with a spot of golf and channelled the spirit of Tiger Woods by getting, ahem, up close and personal with the girls in order to help them perfect their swings.

Jasmin and Abi returned this display of selflessness by offering ratings on the boys' rear ends. At this point I could be unkind and make a hilarious comment about what a pair of arses Daniel and James really are. Instead, I'll be unkind and say they possess the collective charm of a badly out-of-date microwave meal and I'm glad that, so far, Jasmine and Abi have rejected their amorous advances.

James seems a particularly choice specimen, with a lovely line in compliments. Once he had managed to get Abi on her own, he told her that when she had first arrived at the driving range he had seen her surgically-enhanced breasts coming round the corner before the rest of her.

Realising his faux pas, he then insisted that he was interested in Abi for more than just those valuable bags of silicon stapled to her chest. In order to prove it to her, he went for all-out flattery, praising her intellect and charisma. Unfortunately, it was another fail. The words might have been kind but they were delivered with all the sincerity of an ITV executive trying to persuade you that another series of Splash! would be a good idea.

Abi wasn't buying it for a second, I'm pleased to report, and shot him a look that said: "You don't get to kiss this face that easily, my friend". Abi's a girl of high morals, you see. My bet is she'll hold out till Sunday.

The Only Way Is Essex: Joey Becomes A Businessman!
The Only Way Is Essex: Joey Does A Phil Mitchell
The Only Way Is Essex: Party Planning And A Doomed Date Night
The Only Way Is Essex: Oi! Leave Poor Gemma Alone!
The Only Way Is Essex: Smut, Smut And More Smut
The Only Way Is Essex: LuRio (That's Lucy And Mario) Is Back On!
The Only Way Is Essex: Rise Of The Joey Essex Clones
Babies, Cheating And, Er, Politics: The Only Is Essex Is Back!

LOVE THIS WRITER? Follow him on Twitter @WillGore.