11/07/2013 15:58 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

The Seven Deadly Sins Of Nicki Minaj

She's got that boom badoom boom super bass. She also has a face like a cartoon cat, bubblegum pink hair and a preposterous, perfectly spherical bottom, which is truly one of God's miracles.

Rapper, American Idol judge and all-round nutso case Nicki Minaj is one of music's most outlandish dressers and occasionally on long dark nights of spiritual soul-searching, your Fashion Priest wishes he still had the figure to wear some of her more on-point outfits. However, the hip-hop Christian Dior, Alice Auaa and the Dame Vivienne Of Westwood but Minaj looks like she's dashed through a quilted bedspread department of Debenhams covered in glue. Malice In Wonderland, more like.

Neon lipstick was hot on the New York runways and is much loved by Saint Marc Jacobs, but as per, Minaj A Trois has taken neon (2) way too far and looks like a multi-pack of coloured Post-Its. Note to self: use neon sparingly. She's also taken the nude trend (3) somewhat literally. Bummer.

Sci-fi (4) was a major influence at Moschino, Belle Sauvage, Fay, Falguni & Shane Peacock but at the MTV Awards, Nicki worked it like a robotic Ribena Berry. Her fashion sense is far-out but no-one wants to eat a Quality Street with a camel toe.

Metallic (5) was massacred like a futuristic Marge Simpson, while her zoo chic ensemble's (6) added beehive stripe raised fears that a large, loose-bowelled pigeon was flying overhead. Finally, monochrome (7) came in the form of a catsuit like a topographic map of the Mendips. Pound the alarm, this is a fash-mergency.