Enjoying schadenfreude at the expense of Australians used to be as rare for English cricket fans as it was for Geoffrey Boycott to voluntarily walk, but thanks to recent Ashes domination it is becoming a regular experience.
"The definition of hell: waking up in the early hours of Monday morning, curled in the foetal position on the lounge and shivering from the cold, to giddy English cricketers prancing about and hugging each other like they've just won Powerball," it said.
"If this is how the next five weeks of Ashes cricket will be, with Australia bravely coming so close to victory in spite of itself, tough times are ahead.
"Of course it was going to come down to a DRS decision. Of course it was going to come off a half-hearted appeal from both English bowler and keeper. Of course it was going to be an inside edge about as thick as a Tally Ho paper. Of course there was going to be infinite doubt about whether it was out. Of course the decision would go against Australia.
"Technology has been introduced to a range of sports to avoid The Howler, but this match has illuminated the simple fact that it often unearths more problems and riddles than it solves.
"Then there is Aleem Dar.
"His performance in the past five days was so telling it would not surprise if Wills and Kate name their first born after him."
Tell me why... you do like Mondays.