05/08/2013 08:39 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Hello Flo's Camp Gyno Advert Can Shag Off

Have you seen Hello Flo's Camp Gyno video (see below)? The one where a girl gets her first period while at summer camp and becomes super popular because 1) she dishes out tampons to all her new pals and 2) she becomes some kind of period expert (the Camp Gynocologist, get it?).

Until, the arrival of (duh duh DUUUUUHHHHH) Hello Flo's care packages! At this point all her buds ditch her for personalised boxes of e-ordered tampons and "delicious treats" from the company which knows when its clients' periods are due and on average, how heavy they are. Said little girl is enraged. The end.

This advert and what it's selling grinds my gears. Here's why:

1. It refers to periods as the "red badge of courage". Shag off, Hello Flo. It's not a badge, it's my body discarding womb lining and blood because I'm not pregnant. I don't need this turned into an accessory with accompanying Innocent smoothie-style jargon.

2. Why do periods need to be cutesy-d up anyway? Why do people think women need stuff made pretty to tolerate it?

3. Hello Flo's boxes are described in said advert as "like Santa for your vagina". If my vagina had a brain to understand Christmas, presents, all that, I think it would be a bit gutted to receive a bunch of sodding tampons. There's nothing Christmassy about tampons. My vagina wants a spa break!

4. Stop trying to make getting your period more commercial! I can just imagine it now: "Muuum, Tracey's period's better than mine because she gets a Hello Flo box! Snot FAAAAAIIIIIRRRRR!!!!!" Uh, a period's a period's a period. The last thing girls need is a product to make them think their time of the month's more shit because their mum can only afford Tesco's own brand tampax (which, by the way, is great).

5. This sort of thing really doesn't prepare a sister for when she's a grown up. Why? Hello Flo will know more about her time of the month than she does! She'll have spent her last four quid on a bottle of Chablis and then, of course, will the ol' time-of-month show up expecting a tampon. She'll be pissed, having the worst cramps ever and hating on Hello Flo, big time.