11/01/2014 16:28 GMT | Updated 20/05/2015 06:12 BST

Meal Planning


Apparently, some people plan their meals a week in advance. Then they write a shopping list, go shopping, and buy stuff from the list.

I mean, seriously? What kind of crazy, mixed up world are we living in, people?

Obviously, though, as a veritable icon of positive parenting, I could TOTALLY do a meal plan if required. In fact, Here's one I've just drawn up based on the last week in our household.

Read it and weep.

Monday: There's some fresh pasta spirals left in the fridge. AND THEY'RE IN DATE! Result. Flea and I have pasta and the remains of a jar of pesto, mixed with some broccoli. Followed by grapes.

Tuesday: We're out all day, so I plan to cook something delicious from the freezer when we get home. Then I look in the freezer. There's a loaf of bread. We feast on Marmite on toast. Followed by grapes.

Wednesday: We went to the cinema and gorged on popcorn, then got home late. Flea had some rice with frozen peas and carrots and soy sauce. I had the same, with the daring addition of a tin of tuna. You'd pay a fortune for that sort of cuisine in a fancy restaurant, you know.

Thursday: Flea has Marmite sandwiches made with the rest of the bread, and a yoghurt. The grapes have turned a funny colour, so she has two Oreo cookies for pudding. I have two bowls of Cheerios, as I'm still working my way through the year's free supply that some PR agency sent us, and finish up with an avocado.

Friday: Out for dinner at our local restaurant. Flea has chicken and pitta, while I eat the largest piece of goat's cheese I've even seen, with some artistically arranged rocket leaves.

Saturday: We went to M&S and bought picnic foods... bread rolls, ham, olives, bananas, tortilla chips and took them to the lake and had a picnic lunch and dinner.

Sunday: No food in house. Ask Flea: "Do you want to ring Grandma and tell her you miss her?" Result. We score an invite to Sunday dinner. Mum gives us leftovers to bring home.

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Our family motto is "It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how". We tried "Dignity at all Times" but honestly? It wasn't a good fit.

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