14/08/2014 16:33 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

10 Ways To Dump Someone

There are thousands of ways you can dump someone, but what's the best way to end things with someone you had such high hopes for? Here's 10 ideas and how they might play out...

Ten Ways To Dump Someone

In Person
Probably the most adult way to do it. You might cry, he might cry, you might have one last attempt at passionate sex but you can then leave and have a final look at your former man. Flick your hair, pout and say something like "stay cool, baby" or "does the number 8 bus still run this late?". Make sure you don't slam the door if it's your house.

On the Phone
A bit frustrating. You'll blurt stuff out plus he has the option of hanging up. Also, you'll inevitably hang up just to phone back and curse his mother when he won't answer anymore. But it's the easiest way if you're sick of his stupid face.

Via Email
Easier to edit what you really want to say. It's not graceful but you can delete and add until you've got your perfect half of the story that can't be interrupted. Warning: this will feel strange if you've never emailed each other before or you send it to a work address.

Your sham long distance relationship has obviously come to an end. It'll be hard pressing that little "end call" button so just slam your computer shut and throw it at the wall. This is the slob's get out as you only have to bother putting clothes on your top half.

Handwritten letter
Don't be such a poser. Sorry but how much of a tearjerker do you want to be? I left a handwritten note on someone's bed once and was made to feel a dick about it for the rest of my life. But it was a dickish thing to do. I wanted him to be more upset than he needed to be. A heartfelt letter is to make sure someone never stops loving you, which is a bit cruel. Or genius.

You must've had horrible communication skills before this point. If it's not a knee-jerk reaction to having your phone calls ignored then it's not really appropriate for breaking up anywhere after date two. If it happens to you then whatever you do, don't reply. Delete his number. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing this had any impact on you whatsoever. Ignore him forever, he never even existed.

I've heard too many shocking yet somehow boring stories about a guy changing his marital status to being in a relationship with another girl. Brutal. But listen, if you want to break up with someone basically on a public forum, you're a brazen as get out not to mention a total lunatic.

I'm not even sure how this would work but there's no harm in being the first person ever to do this. You're obviously doing everything for your own amusement - mad props.

If you do it: You're my hero.
If it's done to you: You're still my hero.

Written on a cake
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our winner!

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