14/08/2014 16:37 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Cressida Bonas Is Going To Princess Boot Camp: Just Imagine What It'll Be Like

Hold the phone - Cressida Bonas is going to princess boot camp, Life & Style magazine claims. The young socialite is no Kate Middleton in the royal family's eyes and they're apparently keen to put her through her paces before Harry gets down on one knee.

According to reports, Cressida has already been forced to give up her career as a dancer and find herself a stable, more princessy profession. Perhaps something in the accessories department at Jigsaw a la K-Middy? But, just three days a week, mind - she's got to have plenty of spare time for her prince.

The Palace are said to pretty put off by Cressida's party-loving antics, and we imagine princess boot camp is a bit like rehab for the blue-blooded meets the military.

The rags-to-royal programme probably includes the following:

1. Alcohol abstinence training
It would be entirely dubious and highly embarrassing if a princess were ever to get squiffy, so one must educate one's self in the art of champagne preservation. The aim? To ensure one crystal flute of bubbly lasts an entire evening, dear.

2. Posture practice
There shall be no slouching in the royal household. Therefore, twice daily shall one complete an obstacle course strewn with corgis through which one must avoid stepping on while balancing a copy of Horse & Hound atop one's head.

3. Waving endurance exercises
If one is to become a real princess one must strengthen one's wrist. One shall wave continuously for three hours and 45 minutes per day. While smiling.

4. Scrunchie burning
Princesses do not wear scrunchies, or dungarees, or any other Nineties retro garments. The aforementioned will be burnt and one has to watch without crying.

5. Russle & Bromley, Hobbs and Whistles appreciation
As one ascends into the heavens royalty one may only wear the previously noted high street fashion brands. Learn to love them or suffer the consequences (remember that time your dungers ended up on a bonfire?)

So, in short, if Cressy wants to get ahead she better get looking at this gallery...