14/08/2014 16:38 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Dating Mantra For 2014: I Will Not Not Suffer Fools


A new year, a new reflection of who we are. It's a bit weird we wait until the first day of the year before making any reasonable attempts to better ourselves or change our behaviour. Maybe it's easier to count how long we've been sober/exercising/not on fire that way.

I was thinking a lot about what I wanted from men in 2014, then it occurred to me they're going to be exactly the same - it's just the way I deal with them that's going to get a thousand times better.

On New Years Day I woke up next to the guy who things were going good with. Then I checked his phone by accident - honestly. Come on, everyone has a black iPhone and what kind of idiot doesn't toggle the settings so the first few lines of a text doesn't come up? I won't go through anyone's private correspondence but only because I kind of forget it's there until something sinister pops up. Still, I've never seen a sleeping man move so fast to snatch something off me since the time I found a Polaroid of my friend, then aged 15, making stupid gang signs at a spaniel.

So, it turns out a week before he'd swapped numbers with a girl in this horrible club nearby. After reading the message and his brief explanation, she seemed to be standard low hanging fruit. I was obviously annoyed, firstly because it was so much drama within a minute of waking up. Secondly (maybe most importantly), where was MY phone and thirdly, because I wished she was at least interesting so I could justify it to myself.

Then I realised it was nothing to do with her - the main thing us girls tend to forget when something like this happens. He didn't seem to care about her but then again, he doesn't seem to care about me either. He was obviously just indiscriminately trawling so he can have someone to dance at on a Saturday night.

I, on the other hand, wasn't out to meet anyone else while I was with him so I expected him to be on board exclusively with me too. This is obviously a small example of how someone can treat you bad. I was more hurt because if a guy doesn't want to be monogamous when things are good, it's never ever going to change. I'm not here to teach old dogs new tricks.

I'm on the look out for a new dog, who is the best at everything. So how does the end of this story change in 2014, the Year of Clear? Well, if someone isn't being decent and loyal then I'm not going to have a long drawn out conversation about it. I'm not going to ask them what was wrong with me. I'm not going try and get him to change his tacky ways.

I can't be bothered in 2014. Everyone with low quality attitudes towards the women can just go straight in the bin. I'm not advocating complete zero tolerance because people make mistakes, but anyone who starts the alarm bells is a goner.

I don't have time to be teaching anyone how to be the man they should already be.

Come good or go home. Happy New Year!

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