14/08/2014 16:51 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

I Don't Need To Get Pregnant To Be A Mum

My Womb is Happy to Stay Empty.

We've started to think about expanding our family further. Even though its something that's just in discussion at the moment we are quite open about the topic and happy to let people know we will hope to have another baby in the not too distant future.

As soon as the topic of us having another baby comes up, I can almost always tell what question we are about to be asked. It's usually goes along the lines of me saying I want four children, C saying she'd rather have just three and then the stranger/family member/friend, looks at me and says, "So are you having the next one?"

Please don't fret if you've asked me this question before. It's a question I've been asked since C got pregnant with M, it's something I should be used to answering, but it's still a question that comes flying at me like a cannon ball and smacks me square in the stomach.


I know a lot of people ask it innocently, we are both women, we both have wombs (or most are under the assumption we do). So it's black and white, why wouldn't I want to get pregnant?


When C and I first discussed starting a family, yes I did mention having a baby. For purely selfish reasons, I wanted a child to inherit my genes.

Since having M I realise that I don't need him to have my genes for me to love him. I look at this adorable boy I created with my wife and feel my heart beat in a way that could only beat for the child you love, a child I feel as though I share my genes with.

I don't expect everyone to fully understand the way I feel, but families with step children, or foster parents or parents who have adopted a child will agree with me, that love is amazing, it can be so strong as to create a biological connection (within your mind at least).

So when someone stands before me and says "But wouldn't it be nice if you both had one". It just doesn't make sense in my mind, as though C giving birth to all the rest of our children is different. Biologically yes, but in regards to loving a child, it's "nice" that I get to help create our children.

I know people are not wishing to offend me when they ask the question. But what if I couldn't have children and there's a reason C is going to be carrying all our children. (To my knowledge nothing is wrong with me and I could possibly have children but that's beside the point.)

Everyone loves a solid answer, some structure in response to their questions. I should know. I ask a lot of questions and suffer with anxiety if I feel I am not getting the right answer. But life is fluid, our relationship is not as straightforward as many would like and I don't wish to carry any children. I'm quite happy getting my wife pregnant.

Kirsty and Clara blog about their adventures and life as same sex parents to their son, the Monkey.

Blogs at: My Two Mums
Twitter: @mytwomums