I'm An Angry Fat Chick!

It's what I feel like a lot of days.

I have been get­ting some lovely com­ments from peo­ple I haven't seen in a while. I do love the com­ments and it almost makes it worth all the hard work.

Some­times I won­der if peo­ple real­ise it that it's bloody hard work try­ing to lose weight. At least for me it's hard work.

I love food. I love look­ing at food. I like cook­ing food. I love smelling and touch­ing and tast­ing food. No sur­prise then that I have issues with my weight. I'm learn­ing new cook­ing and bak­ing tech­niques which is help­ing. What I am hav­ing a more dif­fi­cult time with is chang­ing habits.

Food is every­where. The oppor­tu­nity to eat food is all around. I just popped into my high street for some veg and walked past a chip shop, a Lebanese restau­rant, Pizza Express, 2 pubs serv­ing lunch, a sand­wich shop and this was just a lit­tle cor­ner of my high street! Pop into super­mar­ket con­ve­nience shops that appear to be sprout­ing every­where and it's hell. Pas­tries, cakes, cook­ies, choco­late bars, crisps, ready meals... every­where you look you're con­fronted with all these things you could eat.

It's turn­ing me into an angry fat chick!

How do you stop your­self from pick­ing up a snack here and a candy bar there. The willpower it takes to walk away when all you want to do it pick up that yummy look­ing cin­na­mon roll – it would be sooo yummy with a cup of cof­fee! I try not to look at the dan­ger areas but that is phys­i­cally impos­si­ble at my local Tesco Express. Really it is, I tried to not look and I basi­cally had to look at my feet. Not good peo­ple. Not good at all! I'm really strug­gling and find that after an entire day of resist­ing in the end I give in and undo all my hard work.

I must keep telling myself that this is not a race. That I want to be thin more than I want that cupcake with the frost­ing piled a mile high. It's been Squidge's birthday week and it's killing me. Squidge has been given choco­late on an almost daily basis. Yes­ter­day it was a pack of choco­late stars and a mini caramelo. I resisted the stars but sadly that caramelo didn't stand a chance!! STOP GIVING MY CHILD CHOCOLATE!!

Do you know what the scary bit is? I prob­a­bly resist 90% of the time. This time last year? If I wanted it I wouldn't even think about it. 22 lbs later and I've worked too damn hard to undo all of it. It doesn't make it easy though and I'm an angry fat chick to prove it.

How do you folks deal with the temp­ta­tion? Can you buy it and not eat it? What are some tips for resist­ing?

Lindy is a transplanted New Englander living in Manchester. She misses scorching hot summers and having a Dunkin' Donuts at every corner.

Blogs at: Squidgyboo

Twitter: lindy_