14/08/2014 16:40 BST | Updated 20/05/2015 10:12 BST

Jennifer Lawrence Took Her BFF To The Oscars, And She's Written A Hilarious Tell-All Account

Ever wondered what the Oscars is really like? Whether the celebs are secretly bored by the whole ceremony and wish they were inhaling pizza behind the scenes instead? Well, apparently they do.

Jennifer Lawrence's date for the Oscars 2014 was her best friend of seven years, Laura Simpson. Now said BFF has written a totally honest account of what it's like to be a non-famous person at the awards ceremony on MySpace, and it's completely hilarious.

Jennifer Lawrence and best friend

Not only do we get insider tips on how to befriend J-Law (apparently a mutual love of Chandler Bing from Friends and an appetite for pizza worked for Sarah) but we're also privy to some of the best celebrity anecdotes we think we've ever read. Here are some highlights and general funniness from Sarah:

On the second J-Law Oscars fall: "We finally arrive at the red carpet and as we exit the car, my date eats shit and uses my freshly done Lauren Conrad up do to break her fall. The crowd goes wild."

On awkward moments in the green room: "Some guy picks up my purse that had fallen off my seat and I say "Thank you... Channing Tatum" and my dress gets caught on Jennifer Garner and we awkwardly laugh and someone tries to separate us."

On Bill Murray's flirting technique at the Vanity Fair after-party: "I decide to follow Bill Murray around the party. At one point he looks in my direction and winks at me while dancing to "If You Want My Body and You Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart - a moment, I now realise, my whole life had been leading up to."

And on Rachel Zoe's fashion expertise: "Rachel Zoe grabs my arm and tells me I look "mage" (if you don't know her lingo, that's short for major and the highest compliment you can receive)."

We just wish we were J-Law's best friend, and her best friend's best friend, too. *Sigh*

Go inside the Oscars with the best Instagrams from the night.