14/08/2014 12:50 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Losing A Friend

Losing a friend

A couple of weeks ago I had someone I considered a good friend 'un-friend' me on Facebook. I only noticed because I wanted to send her a message. I sent her an email asking if she'd done it as I thought maybe it was a weird FB thing. I could not have been more shocked when she came back and said that yes, she did and she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Now I am writing this not to bash her but because I need to get these feeling out. I need to process the thoughts and feelings I am having because I need to stop feeling like crap over it.

I was told that she was tired of me bad mouthing her and criticising her when she voiced an opinion. I was shocked. I didn't think I did that, but for a friend to feel so strongly about it as to cut off all ties was something I needed to take stock of. I looked back on my feed and other than not wanting to listen to my old neighbourhood association go on about something I didn't agree with I couldn't find anything I said that was negative. So I keep going back to why a friend would think that I was attacking her.

I don't have a lot of friends, I never have. It's a choice I make because I want those that I do call a friend to be just that, a friend. If you're a friend I should be able to disagree with you without it being personal. All of the people I call a friend know that I speak my mind. I may say something stupid but it is never my intention to be hurtful. I am still reeling from this and am now second guessing all of my friendships.

I value all of them and don't want them to be sitting at home harbouring resentment and festering with anger while I blithely go on as I always have. I emailed my friend and told her that I had not been critical of her. That any posts were about things that were happening in my life and not directed towards her. I told her I was sorry she felt this way. That her un-friending me and cutting off ties was for the best if she'd been feeling this way for a while.

Still, it hurts. I am sad beyond words over the demise of this friendship. I met her when Squidge was three weeks old. I had just gone through a pregnancy in a new country. My partner's family wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't know what the hell I was doing raising this baby. I met her and she was awesome. A straight talking, down-to-earth mum just like me. Squidge mentioned my ex-friend's two oldest the other day and how she was looking forward to seeing them again. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she won't be seeing them. I'm hoping that over time she will forget about them.

I'm trying really hard to not take it personally. I'm trying to tell myself that she just didn't think we suited as friends and had every right to stop being my friend. Still I can't help thinking I have failed.

Lindy is an ex-pat liv­ing in Manchester with husband and six-year-old daughter Squidge. Other than missing scorching hot summers life is good. Lindy is passionate about photography and can often be seen pulled over at the side of the road photographing something or other.

Blogs at: Squidgyboo
Twitter: @lindy_