"Finally, a bikini to fit all body types! Hallelujah our prayers have been answered by the swimsuit gods at last. Now let's go buy one in every single colour," is what we would have said if Lucky magazine's claim of finding the two piece for "every body type" had been even remotely reasonable.
The magazine has proved itself to be totally out of touch with reality after singing the praises of American Apparel's latest swimwear offering. Lucky deems it "refreshingly simple" and hails it the ultimate fits-all bikini because it comes complete with adjustable string ties. As if string ties solve your swimwear dilemmas.
I should've smelt a rat when the mag claimed American Apparel could possibly create a garment suitable for anyone larger than a XXXS.
This is the shop that refuses to operate in standard 6, 8, 10, 12 etc. Instead, finding your perfect fit is totally confusing. It can also make you feel extra fat when trying to decipher which size you actually are in the garishly strobe-lit changing rooms.
Lucky executive fashion director Alexis Bryan Morgan heralds the creation "completely fuss-free" with "no padding, boning, ruffles or bows." She claims it "works on most shapes". That's most shapes smaller than a size 10, with no bigger than B cup breast.
However, I was keen to see what the apparently miracle bikini would look like on a variety of shapes and sizes.
As a girl who often leaves the beach with whip-like sores around my neck caused by overly tightened halter ties in a bid to keep my boobs north of my belly button, I wondered if Lucky would offer a solution to this, particularly for busty girls.
Unfortunately, the magazine wasn't willing to offer me that. The bikini photoshoot showcases slender bod after slender bod - and the claim that this bikini fits all remains unproven.
A "bikini for every body type"? Common sense tells me my chest would be better suited to some underwire.
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