14/08/2014 16:43 BST | Updated 20/05/2015 10:12 BST

Meet The Guy Who Had Sex On Five Different Drugs &Amp; Reported Back

Some dude had sex while on mushrooms, weed, ecstasy, viagra and cocaine (not all at the same time, may we add) and then wrote a really long and unnecessarily detailed article about it. While I was interested to discover his findings it was a difficult read... And that's coming from someone who's heard a guy describe sex as: "Like having a wank, but warmer and wet."

Sifting through the sperm all over the bedsheets and the shitaki mushroom-like limpness of the writer's penis, I narrowed his experiences down to the following. I should note, MyDaily does not condone drug use, alright?

Mushrooms: If you wanna have great sex don't pop shrooms. This bloke and his girlfriend: "Kissed and held each other for 15 minutes." That is all.

Weed: If you want to impersonate Sting and have hours and hour AND hours of tantric sex, then this is the drug for you. "Time lost its meaning," and the pair decided to call it quits after 90 minutes. How romantic.

Ecstasy: While his penis "was somewhat out of the game," he went into great detail about going down on his girlfriend. So maybe, if your bloke hates eating you out, you should slip some mandy in his coffee.

Viagra: The following description proves that you should leave viagra for the over 50s. "As expected, intercourse went on for ages. I could have lasted all night, but at just over two-and-a-quarter hours, a chafed, tired and slightly dazed [my girlfriend] called time. I pulled out and she jerked me off. The orgasm was amazing and powerful. I came a lot. A whole lot."

Cocaine: Get a kick out of feeling like you're about to have a heart attack? Coke it is. "[After] about 20 minutes... with cardiac arrest imminent, I decided to quit."

Source: Refinery29

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