14/08/2014 16:35 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

My First Online Dating Date: What Went Wrong

Last Thursday I went on my first online date. I don't know how you would've dealt with all of this but I think I could've done better. Here's some stuff that went wrong...

He was a lot hotter than expected
It really threw me off my game. He was tall, with incredible teeth and cheekbones. He wore a great suit and had an expensive umbrella. He was smart, well-educated and had a good job. I was already lagging behind because one of my shoes wouldn't stay on.

A group of my guy friends turned up
I thought I chose a bar that it was unlikely I'd see anyone I know on a weekday night. I was wrong. I completely ignored them - that was my first mistake. They sat in the booth next to me and stared and waved and gave me the Vs. I think one of them tried to moon me. I desperately tried to maintain eye contact with my date. What I should've done was a simple "hey guys, I'm on a date, how are you, that's nice... (subtext: go away)". I felt like I was in a horrible romcom. I escaped to the bar and phoned the ringleader, he laughed at me and said I was doing great. I spent most the next day sending apology texts to everyone else for being a dick.

I pretended to know about stuff I knew nothing about
Music mainly. I do listen to a lot of music but I don't have the brain to remember who sang it or what album it was on. What was I doing? Do not lie to make yourself look cooler. It's horrible and I've never hated anyone more than I hated myself for pretending I really liked Daft Punk. I'm actually cringing writing this.

I wore too much makeup
...wearing too much makeup isn't a good idea but and this was especially bad because...

I got too drunk
It doesn't matter how subtle your fake eyelashes are, if you get too drunk they're going to slide around your face along with your kohl eyeliner. Luckily I managed to sort this situation out before I looked like a Snog, Marry, Avoid contestant. So, actually, if I wasn't downing so many cocktails I wouldn't have needed to pee so much, and I wouldn't have had access to all those bathroom mirrors (who am I kidding? this is the worst excuse I've ever given even myself).

After this debacle he walked me home and we said goodnight. I woke up the next day feeling like I'd blown it. I felt I wasn't being myself - I love my friends and I love bitching about Daft Punk, what was I doing? When I looked at my phone I saw the unopened follow up text. I prepared myself for the "it was nice to meet you, but..." message but instead it said "when are you free again?". I've been given another chance so I guess a thousand wrongs can make a right.

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