I wish I'd never read the last chapter of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, the one which saw an ageing Harry Potter and his school pals Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger wave their children - all of whom have extremely questionable names - on to the Hogwarts Express.
I really would have preferred not to have the image of a greying Harry cuddling up to his wife(!) Ginny burned on to my imagination for the rest of eternity.
Firstly, they should never have got together because you just don't date your best friend's sibling. Secondly, one of the joys of literature is that the characters can remain forever young.
So when J. K. Rowling this week revisited the wizarding world of Harry Potter for the first time since 2007 on her website Pottermore I despaired. Of course, I still read the piece written in the voice of the Daily Prophet gossip hack Rita Skeeter, but it left me with that same sinking feeling I had after putting down The Deathly Hallows.
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In the article, Skeeter writes that Harry Potter, who is about to turn 34 (the maths feels all wrong), has "a couple of threads of silver in [his] black hair", and "sports a nasty cut over his right cheekbone" to match his famous lightning scar. He's clearly not had it easy since he and Dumbledore's Army defeated He Who Must Not Be Named.
Additionally his marriage to Ginny - who he has two sons James and Albus with - is, in Skeeter's opinion, on the rocks. Hate to say I told you so.
On the plus side, the magical world doesn't seem to have been affected by the recession and Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione all have high flying careers.
Hermione is doing her very best impression of Gisele Bundchen and having it all raising two kids Hugo and Rose while juggling a top job at the Ministry of Magic. But she still can't get a brush through her hair.
The same cannot be said of Ron whose red hair is already thinning as he works for his brothers' joke emporium Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.
My child/teenhood fictional friends are getting on and I don't like it. When a book ends, it ends. No updates, no FYIs are necessary. It was difficult enough to come round to the idea of Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter. I experienced enough turmoil over that, so can we just let it alone now? Thanks.