Just when you thought Britain's education system was travelling up a certain creek without a paddle, along comes irrefutable proof that the nation's teenagers are as bright as highly polished silver buttons.
Yes, I'm kidding. Tragically, the opposite is the case.
Results from a new survey of 2,000 children reveal many 11-16-year-olds bear a frightening similarity to two short planks.
Don't believe us? Try these answers to the following questions for size:
Q. Name Henry VIII's wives.
A: Delia Smith, Jerry Hall and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall.
Q. What was the Gunpowder plot?
A. Er, no idea.
Q. Which countries were involved in World War Two?
A. Er, no idea.
Q. Who built the pyramids?
A. Nick Knowles.
Q. What is William Shakespeare famous for?
A. He's the chairman of the BBC.
Q. Name Britain's wartime Prime Ministers.
A. Bruce Forsyth, Rod Stewart and Alan Sugar.
Q. Who was Emmeline Pankhurst?
A. Er, founder of the Body Shop. Er, an X Factor finalist. Er, the owner of Miss Selfridge.
Q. Where in the UK is London – north, south east or west?
A. Er, no idea.
Q. Who was Anne Frank?
A. An American chat show host.
Q. What was the plague?
A. A heavy metal band.
Now, of course, we know what teenagers are like and they could have just been taking the mickey out of the researchers for Premier Inn's survey – and let's hope that is the case. For it paints a pretty bleak picture of our nation's yoof if they were being serious.
And some more awesome answers....