14/08/2014 16:35 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 10:12 BST

Seven Reasons Why You Can Never Be Friends With An Ex

Break ups are hard and staying friends with your ex after the heartbreak is even harder. So why do we even bother?

Perhaps we're convinced it's the "grown up" thing to do. But when there's no house/divorce/children involved it's probably better to say "sayonara", stick two fingers up, waltz off into singledom and be done with it. Forever.

Seven Reasons Why You Can Never Be Friends With An Ex

So while your mouse hovers over the 'unfriend' button on Facebook and you go to delete his number from your phone, rest assured you're doing the right thing because you can never REALLY be friends with your ex...

1. They've seen you naked
You just can't look at someone the same way after seeing their *whispers* private parts. Plus the fact they can, quite literally, mentally undress you is totally disturbing and you don't want to be reminded of the time they drank champagne cava out of your belly button every at every social gathering.

2. The desperate ex trap
There's a distinct possibility either you or your ex will be labelled desperate and/or crazy. You're way too good to put up with a clingy mental ex who will do everything in their power to get back in your pants/heart. Similarly you don't want to be referred to in any conversation like this:

Ex: Fancy a pint down the Rat & Parrot?
Ex's friend: Only if your batshit ex girlfriend won't be there!

3. You were never friends to start with
End of. Plus, in the cold light of a breakup it's clear you don't actually like your ex as a human being.

4. You don't want to be invited to his wedding
What could be more heartbreakingly depressing than watching the one that got away declare their love for another and promise to have and to hold 'til them death do them part? You don't want to end up like Fiona from Four Weddings And A Funeral.

5. "What if?" conversations are the worst
No matter how hard you try to avoid it, the "what if things had worked out differently?" convo will happen. Probably after a few too many G&T's, next thing you know you'll end up in bed together and feel crap about it the next day. Fact.

6. More trouble with your new squeeze
So, explaining why you're still bezzers to your new beau is dangerous territory. They'll never understand, but that's understandable. For reference see point 1.

7. Those little niggles that totally pissed you off are still there
Your ex is still tight, still farts, still talks boring sh*t you're just not allowed to tell 'em off for doing it anymore.

In conclusion, we could all learn a thing or two from Cho Chang in Harry Potter. When things didn't work out between she and Haz, she just disappeared *Points wand* Evanesco! And yes that is the ACTUAL vanishing charm.