When I ask any of my friends what their ideal man looks like and they give me an answer different to "giant, tall men", I recoil in horror.
How? How can that possibly be their preference? To be fair, when someone says they take their coffee without sugar I get suspicious of them too.
I hadn't really cared before about who other people found attractive, but after a friend pointed at an androgynous guy wearing a women's camisole in a punk club and announced he was the man of her dreams, I decided to ask around.
Beard, clean shaven, thin, muscley, tall, short (no one really said short but I'm sure there are women that like that). And, in the most obvious and unscientific research ever -I found out that people like, wait for it, different things.
My friend not only loves oversized men but also loves bald men - skinheads - men who have heads like the moon. This friend might have some good points. This friend might be me. It might not be.
If this friend, who may or may not be me, used to tell a guy she's with she likes bald men, a weird thing happens. The man - who is usually not (yet) bald but on the cusp - touches his head in a subconscious manner in a world of insecurity.
But then I realised it wasn't a future compliment but pointing out something someone doesn't like about themselves. I felt bad for a while.
I think it's only when it's close to the bone that it's hurtful. Some men have said to me "I love how you've got small breasts" which made me look down and knee-jerk shout "this is the national average!" (not true). I say I'm a C-cup in the same way I say I'm 5"8 which really, is only three inches away from the truth.
I was discussing one of my many favourite topics in bed with a man who looks like a bear.
(In case you're interested, some are 1) my hair 2) my low blood pressure 3) the love of my life, ___ ___ and 4) how I like to fuck men who look like bears.)
This time it was about my favourite body types. He chimed in, "I also like really thin women". But wait, I'm actually not a really thin woman. Hang on, what? This isn't the game.
"Well that's unlucky for you" is what I said and actually for once, I really meant it. When someone says they prefer brunettes when you're blonde, the answer is "so?" When someone likes tans when you're pale, it's a "shame".
I'd like bigger boobs because it's me who thinks they're great. I'd like to be taller so I'd look better in clothes. I realised there and then I'm not that bothered about what the guy I'm sleeping with prefers and only really care about what I think. Which is probably for the best.
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