14/08/2014 16:46 BST | Updated 20/05/2015 10:12 BST

This Guy's List Of 'Requirements' For A Girlfriend Is Truly Ridiculous

There's a guy on dating site OKCupid with a very long and very ridiculous list of "requirements" a girl must fit before they even think about messaging him.

While his bizarre preferences - he asks for a woman who has never said "yolo" or "foodie" and doesn't "tell the same joke in the same circumstances time and time again" - pretty much eliminate every single girl on the planet, it does make for an amusing read.

So if you want to win this bloke's heart then make sure you aren't guilty of any of the following gems we've handpicked from his list.

Side note... he's got a point with number 2, 11 and 15.

1. You listen to The Doors
2. You don't shower daily
3. You want a home birth
4. You wear massive headphones
5. You play five chords on the guitar and sing like Dido
6. You demand respect, but would also happily become a trophy wife if the money was good enough
7. Your career, which you've worked really hard for, will vanish, to be replaced by children that you suddenly discover you always wanted
8. You dye, cut or style your hair according to your bad moods
9. You consider yourself a happy person
10. You read Cosmopolitan
11. You shoplift
12. You believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how inane
13. You are offended that models are generally thin
14. You suffer from one or more mental illnesses and refuse treatment
15. You stand in entrances or exits to check something in your bag/on your phone

If you fancy reading the ENTIRE list then you can see it here, but be warned it's a long'un. Something tells us he's going to be single for a while.

Guys, Stop Lying On Your Online Dating Profiles!