14/08/2014 12:48 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

Ways To Spot A Parent (When There's No Child In Sight)

Ways to spot a parent (when there's no child in sight)

When you first have a baby and nip out to the shops on your first solo expedition or even on your first whole evening out, you may feel you should have a huge sign announcing 'I am a mother'. Your whole life seems to have changed, but no one else notices.

But in reality, and as time goes on, there are many, many tell-tale signs. Recognise these?

With thanks to blogger Iamthemilk.

1. You're out with your single girlfriends. Everyone's texting. You're the only one on the phone with a mature woman. Your babysitter.

2. They have clutches. You're the only one sporting an enormous bulky bag.

3. And the only one who in search of a lip gloss pulls out a toy car, a rice cake and Peppa Pig toddler underwear out of that bag.

4. There are some stains on your shirt, mainly in the shoulder area and I'm sorry, but no one is going to assume that they're the Monica Lewinsky kind.

5. At the office I'm not sure you'll be anyone's first choice in a tampon emergency situation, but if the need arises for a plaster, a wet wipe or a random fever/head lice check up, you'll be chasing them away with a stick.

6. You're still wearing your maternity jeans or trying to pretend that your pyjamas are relaxed 'loungewear'.

7. And, no, the stretch panel on your jeans is not passing for a T-shirt.

8. If you turn around and examine the back of those jeans, you'll realise that there's either a sticker and pieces of chewed rice cake stuck to your bum.

9. Oh, sorry, the rice cake's actually in your hair.

10. Everyone in the office knows you 'power nap' in the empty office.

11. There's someone that you talk to on the phone during the day that makes your voice go really high.

12. Your roots are showing. Quick, take a mascara to them, or a crayon (you'll find one in your enormo bag, for sure)!


13. You're eating a rice cake.


14. When your colleagues/friends talk about clubbing, movies, sleeping in on weekends or week days you feel like a foreign exchange student. Sorry, me no speak Freedom.

15. You are the girl with the too-bright smile and the Thelma and Louise air about her running a
10 minute errand that takes you outside.

16. You've made it to the supermarket to pick up some more rice cakes. All by yourself with a too-bright smile and that Thelma and Louise air about you, you push your trolley, never ceasing to gently rock it.

17. You're reading this article at work, or while the children are napping, and you've just nodded. 17 times.

Do you think people can tell you're a parent when your kids are not around?