14/08/2014 12:35 BST | Updated 22/05/2015 06:12 BST

When Is It Okay To Leave Your Stuff At Theirs?

Eventually when you sleep over somewhere regularly, you think about leaving innocent little things like toothbrushes there. Only thing is there's a whole load of stigma attached to this.

Carrying an overnight bag is only for the scarily organised and if you're a complete moron you can buy crass "action packs" from anywhere that sells dick-shaped straws. But what should the rest of us self-conscious shaggers do? Here's the rules.

If you're considering carrying around a toothbrush, I don't know what kind of woman you are. The bottom of my bag looks like a tobacco and broken kohl lead blizzard. I don't want anything I keep in there going in my mouth. I sometimes think, if some guy is frightened by a bit of plastic with some bristles then how is he going to deal with having sex or children or joint bank accounts?

I like to sellotape my toothbrush to their ceiling. It's an "uh-oh this is so much commitment" joke and everyone leaves feeling they've got something out of it (except them). However, this is a classic case of one rule for me, one rule for everyone else because I have a value pack of toothbrushes hidden behind the sink so my sleepover buddies can clean their teeth and afterwards I can just throw it in the bin.

This one has caused the biggest discussion in my house. My flatmate claims she would be highly suspicious of a man that had conditioner, it would imply him seeing a high volume of women. I on the other hand think, like a good hotel, all men should have some. I know I have unisex products for the same reason.

Getting your hair wet at someone else's house is a nightmare though. Conditioner comes with an entourage of a proper brush, hair dryer, straighteners, time etc. Are you ready for all that? If someone already had all that stuff, I perhaps would get suspicious then.

What's your plan of action here? Are you going to leave your dirty underwear there? Are you going to take them with you in the morning? Are you going to put them straight into an envelope marked for the underworld of eBay?

Personally, I just wear the knickers from the night before because my friend (not me) once took clean underwear to a guy's house, didn't think about where the dirty pair was and walked to work with the dirty pair hanging off the velcro of her coat's hood (again, not me). If she only had one pair of knickers to deal with, that wouldn't have happened to her (not me).

Prescription Medication
If you leave any medicine in my house I'm going to Google the shit out of it. It's not dignified or privacy respecting but that's what I'm going to do. Think about that crock theory a woman will be put off a guy if he coughs on a date. If this is true, what damage do you think your rogue tube of Anasol is going to do? Exactly.

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