08/01/2015 07:31 GMT | Updated 08/01/2015 07:59 GMT

The Only Detox And Wellness Regimen You'll Need For The New Year

Ah, 2015. A new year filled with nothing but possibilities. The chance for a fresh start. The question is: do you have what it takes to transform yourself into the person you've always wanted to be?

Probably not. Like most people, your New Year's resolutions will have lasted until January 2nd. Maybe the 3rd, before dissipating into a cloud of vice and self-loathing. But worry not, we have just the tonic to buck you up.

Our friends at Wildseed Comedy have dispatched the legendary Marijana to reveal her health and wellness secrets for the new year. And she's picked four lucky individuals to serve as inspirational figures for yourselves.

In case you were thinking, ha! I'm perfectly capable of tending to my own well being. I'm doing just fine. I'm going to fulfill my resolutions to the BITTER END. Oh, honey, let us remind you why you need Marijana.

You have been carefully selectioned, from literally thousand of applications, to take this three day introduction to the Marijana Method, a course specifically designed for the most lonely, the most tired, the most unattractive Londoners.

That's right. Here's looking at you, kid. We selectioned you personally. Happy New Year.

Be sure to check out Wildseed Comedy's YouTube channel for all the episodes showcasing Marijana's life-changing wellness tips this Friday, January 9th. Trust us, she has the answers you weren't looking for.