As parents, we try to instill good qualities and virtues in our children, from being polite, to showing compassion, to not hitting your brother.
But sometimes we do give them mixed messages - for example, we instruct them to tell a teacher if they are being picked on at school, but scold them for telling tales if they snitch on a friend or sibling.
And, a lot of the time, we just straight up lie to their faces, because being a parent is exhausting and if we spent every second trying to fulfil our child's demands then we'd never get anything done. Sometimes, if it's the choice between a glass of wine and your child's pleasure, you'll choose the glass of wine...especially if doing something nice for your kid involves getting up from the settee.
Here are just a few of the common lies we tell our children, and what we're really thinking...
There's no cake left
Roughly translated as: There's plenty of cake left, but it's mine. I know I should live for your undying happiness and everything, but it's cake.
Santa is watching you
Roughly translated as: I can use this for two, maybe three months of the year, so I'm going to milk Father Christmas for all he's worth. Also, the red light in the alarm sensor turns on when he's looking at you.
I'm leaving without you
Roughly translated as: Hi, I'm your parent! I'm going to make you think I'm abandoning you just so I can go home! I'll worry about paying for your therapy later!
If you play with it, it'll fall off
Roughly translated as: Please leave your penis alone, it's like you've only just discovered it.
Roughly translated as: It's nowhere near bedtime, but you're doing my head in and I want you out of the way so I can polish off that bottle of wine and watch EastEnders.
The park is closed
Roughly translated as: I don't have the energy for your energy.
You won't like it
Roughly translated as: You will like it, but it's mine, so just back off.
When the ice cream van plays music it means they've run out of ice cream
Roughly translated as: There's no way I'm paying £2.50 for a 99p cone only to watch you dribble it all over your clothes.
The ride outside the supermarket is waiting to be fixed
Roughly translated as: I'm not paying 50p just so you can rock back and forth in Postman Pat's van for two minutes whilst I stand there like a lemon.
I don't have any money on me
Roughly translated as: I actually have plenty of money on me, but I'm not wasting it on you right now for something that's not worth it/I really don't want to pay for.
If you don't brush your teeth they'll fall out
Roughly translated as: I'm not being the parent of a child with five fillings. The other parents will laugh at me.
More on Parentdish: 15 brilliant lies parents have told their children
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