Two years after the release of his autobiography - which was imaginatively-titled, ‘Autobiography’ - Morrissey has turned his hand to writing once again, but this time he's giving fiction a go, and has released his debut novel, ‘List Of The Lost’.
Morrissey’s first foray into fiction-writing is billed as “an American tale where, naturally, evil conquerors good, and none live happily ever after”.
Unfortunately for the former The Smiths frontman, it hasn’t exactly been well-received by critics, with The Daily Beast branding it a “bizarre, misogynistic ramble” and The Guardian’s Michael Hann saying: “Please don’t encourage Morrissey to write any more novels.”
One scene that has raised eyebrows is particularly a raunchy moment between two of the book’s central characters, though sadly for Mozza, it isn't attracting attention for the right reasons.
Morrissey has always been somewhat vague when it comes to the subject of sex, so we were intrigued to read the scene for ourselves. It turns out this is what we’ve been missing:
Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.
“Barrel-rolling breasts”. “Full-figured copulation”. “Bulbous salutations”. There’s certainly a lot going on.
Suffice to say, the good people of Twitter are suitably amused:
I think Morrissey has confused sex with the waltzers.— THE PYRAMID (@robertflorence) September 24, 2015
Morrissey's description of sex has really punctured my bicycle.— David Lewis (@davidclewis) September 24, 2015
One great thing about having American in-laws is that I can say things like "Bulbous Salutations!" and they'll think I'm terribly refined.— Kit Lovelace (@kitlovelace) September 24, 2015
That Morrissey sex scene actually makes perfect sense if you imagine they're doing it in a tumble dryer. Trust me.— Clarisse Loughrey (@clarisselou) September 24, 2015
between a video of stevi ritchie grabbing his semi on, and that morrissey extract, i am never having sex again.— Becca! (@Becca_DP) September 24, 2015
That Morrissey extract is like a sex scene written by Looney Tunes.— Kate Hewson (@katejhewson) September 24, 2015
Well, this takes all the suspense out of the 2015 Bad Sex Awards. http://t.co/jZxpp7uVUw— Paul O'Brien (@ifdestroyed) September 24, 2015
‘List Of The Lost’, published by Penguin Fiction (though, unlike his first offering, it’s not in the ‘Classics’ section), is out now.