Truly Inept Burglary Attempt Gets Truly Epic Play-By-Play

“Oh my God! Somebody get some salami and cream cheese and rub it all over his face ― he’s unconscious and on the ground!”
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Play-by-play accounts are typically associated with sports, but the performance of a Seattle radio veteran suggests they may also be suited to surveillance videos.

On Wednesday night, surveillance video captured footage of a vandal attempting to break into a pickup truck in the employee parking lot of local radio station KIRO FM.

The suspect’s weapon of choice: a mop.

Once KIRO saw the footage, the station decided to have radio personality John Curley do a play-by-play of the whole thing. And it’s spectacular!

The video is below, but here is one highlight:

“He’s got a stance about shoulder-width and he has the mop at the top of the window! And then he hits and resets! He’s got his feet now moving apart looking just to the right to make sure no one’s around.

And he’s now positioning the mop again and slams it back into the window! Slams it a second time! That’s three! That’s four!

“Las Vegas odds say he won’t do it one more time!”

Toward the end of the video, the suspect climbs onto a nearby roof, presumedly to bash in a window by jumping on it.

It doesn’t work out as planned. Here’s Curley with the call:

“He falls off the roof! Oh my God! Somebody get some salami and cream cheese and rub it all over his face ― he’s unconscious and on the ground! With the mop! That’s the story!”

Amazingly, the suspect managed to escape, according to this KIRO Twitter post.

No word on whether he took the mop with him.

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