06/12/2016 08:25 GMT | Updated 07/12/2017 05:12 GMT

My £5 Note Problem

STEFAN WERMUTH via Getty Images

The UK has recently come out with a new £5 note (equivalent to about $7 US Dollars). The new British polymer note is partially see-through like a mini window, crease-proof and waterproof. When it was first introduced, I thought it was extremely cool. I was really excited, as I had heard that the original printed notes could be worth a lot of money. I have been enthralled with saving these £5 notes for their originality as potential collectables. I figured that any nouveau currency with a wee window in the middle would certainly appreciate in value, someday being worth far more than £5. So now I'm afraid to use my £5 notes!

As it turns out, if you collect the new notes that have a certain printing code, they will be worth a whole lot more than just £5. Some people who have notes with a code starting in 'AK47' have sold their £5 notes for between £80,000 and £100,000. For the latter price, they would have made £99,995. Amazing! PLEASE SOMEONE GET ME AN 'AK47'!! Imagine how much the notes will be worth in ten years from now.

So the problem is, I have been collecting and keeping every new British £5 note that I can find. Unfortunately, I haven't collected the best ones such as the 'AK47' or the 'AA' ones, which were the first batch to be printed. I really need to find the best ones! The only ones I keep getting are 'AM' ones most of the time, but the best one I got was an 'AC'.

Another problem is that because I keep all of the new £5 notes I receive, I am running out of money since I don't want to use them. My purse keeps building up with new £5 notes, and then I have to transfer them to a plastic pocket in order to preserve them. I haven't even used one single new £5 note. My dilemma is that I never know if I should accept the new notes because they will be worth a lot, or to demand the old notes so I can actually buy necessities such as water.

These are not my only problems with the new £5 note. It has just been discovered that the new £5 note contains the ingredient of tallow, an animal fat derivative. Vegans and vegetarians, as well as certain religious groups, have been outraged by this factoid. Animal fat in my £5 notes?! Go figure! The animal fat causes the notes to be really slippy. So when you try to disperse one note, you end up with two notes melding together. Why would anyone want slippery money?

Due to the outcry against the new British animal fat £5 note, some shops have been refusing the note as tender. Reports show that customers even deny it for change. Perfect Solution: Reprint the new British £5 note with pumpkin seed oil.

It's not easy being British. First, I had to get used to a window in the middle of my £5 note. Then I had to come to terms that for every £5 note I use, I might be losing more than £99,000. And third, I now have to get my head around animal lipid sliming in my pocket! Never thought that a £5 note would cause so much consternation to my life.

See my YouTube rant about the new £5 note below:

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