The Blog

21 Realities Of Two Under Two

#20 You can't have anything nice -at least for the next 18 years. Anything nice, precious, expensive or specialget destroyed. Babies, especially toddlers have a sixth sense for objects of importance and make it their sole mission to break, stain or demolish anything you love.

If toddlers are cute and babies are cuter combining the two would be cuteness overload Right?

Wrong.

21 Realities Of Owning Two Under Two.

#21 He who cries the loudest wins.

#20 You can't have anything nice -at least for the next 18 years. Anything nice, precious, expensive or special will get destroyed. Babies, especially toddlers have a sixth sense for objects of importance and make it their sole mission to break, stain or demolish anything you love.

#19 Even the most organized, clean and neurotically obsessive parents will feel like their home and life is in complete dire straits.

#18 You wonder why you even bother cleaning, showering or doing anything that requires regular maintenance after all as it's only a matter of time before everything becomes unhinged again.

#17 Your once proud and contributing recycling bin now only consists of dirty nappies and burnt crockery.

#16 You look in the mirror and see an elderly person staring back - you realize the stress and sacrifice of raising two children has aged you significantly - you contemplate surgery. Dreams and ambitions come plummeting to a halt after the doctor gives you a quote you can't afford. The children look great in their new Bugaboo stroller - it seemed like a necessity at the time but it's just cost you your youth.

#15 You feel like a free woman when they're both asleep at the same time.

#14 You've learnt to master the art of time management, though there's nothing manageable about juggling two children, a heavily curated Instagram (that's a sharp contrast of your reality) and your morning coffee.

#13 Your phone conversations are abbreviated and your friends don't get offended if you simply hang up.

#12 The eldest will use the youngest as a human experiment if you will, treating her as more of a toy or a source of entertainment than an actual human being.

#11 You don't get invited anywhere because people just assume you're busy.

#10 If you do get invited out you spend the whole time feeling guilty and wishing you were at home in your pajamas with the two little monsters.

#9 You've contemplated moving you and your family back into your parents' house because you know the pros of being under their roof far outweigh the cons.

#8 You "selfishly" find yourself questioning your purpose, your existence and your meaning on a regular basis.

#7 You've slept in worse conditions in your fully equipped king sized bed than someone who's passed out on the street.

#6 You've asked a complete stranger at the airport to hold child number two whilst frantically searching for your passport and child number one.

#5 You feed two children at the same time, one by breast and the other by hand.

#4 You know all the names of Thomas and his friends.

#3 You know all the words to Thomas And Friends.

#2 You find solace in standing under the shower starring aimlessly into space thinking about your past present and future.

#1 Your life is chaos. It's bloody bonkers, an absolute mess, but a beautiful mess and you wouldn't have it any other way.