Modern life has left us all in a hurry, so much so, that some of us can’t even find time for sex.
A new survey reveals that sex for most British couples lasts for 19 minutes - but many of us would like it to last longer.
On average, the 19 minutes is made up of 10 minutes of foreplay followed by nine minutes of intercourse.
For just over half of couples (52%) sex lasts as long as they would like - but it is over too soon for 23% of men but 15% of women.
Because of time pressures, couples have to make do with a “quickie” around a fifth of the time (21%) they have sex.
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The results are revealed in a new survey of 4,400 people by online sex toy retailerLovehoney, for its Mind The Gap campaign to help more couples achieve shared orgasms.
It found that many couples would love to linger over sex for longer if they only had the time.
The optimum time for intercourse would be more than 30 minutes for 24% of couples, and two-thirds (66%) said they liked it to last at least 15 minutes.
Sex ends in a shared orgasm, where both partners climax together, around a third of the time in settled relationships.
The survey found that 89% of couples have achieved a shared orgasm with their partner during their relationship.
Almost four out of 10 couples (37%) share their orgasms at least half the time they have sex.
A shared orgasm is the peak sexual experience for 57% of men but fewer women (46%) feel the same way.
The researchers noted that could be because climaxing during intercourse is more difficult for women.
Three-quarters of men (75%) orgasm almost every time have full sex compared to only 28% of women.
And 61% of women said they sometimes found it difficult to orgasm during any sexual activity whereas only 24% of men experienced the same difficulties.
Having an orgasm is the main goal when having sex for 42% of men and 35% of women.
The survey looked at how couples achieve the often elusive “shared” orgasm.
In half of cases (50%), one partner tends to reach their “trigger point” and then waits for their other half to catch up so they can climax together.
A shared orgasm is a goal six out of 10 couples (61%) try to achieve regularly when they have sex. It is “never” a consideration for only 9% of couples.
Lovehoney launched its Mind The Gap campaign to promote ways that women in particular can achieve more orgasms during sex and close the gap with men - allowing more couples to share orgasms at the same time.
Lovehoney sex expert Jess Wilde said: “It is fantastic news that almost 90% of couples have achieved a shared orgasms at some point in their relationship.
“For around half of couples this is the absolute peak of sexual happiness, so we are always looking at ways to help them share orgasms together with greater consistency.
“For women, the key to orgasming easily is to have a strong and healthy pelvic floor, and there are simple exercises they can do to strengthen the muscles in this area.
“Men can play their part during intercourse by making sure they hit exactly the right spot to stimulate the G-Spot during penetration - this is at 27-degrees and sex pillows can help to get you both into the optimum pose for pleasure.”
Bad Relationship Habits
Thinking Negatively(01 of11)
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"Ask yourself one key question, can I assume positive intent when it comes to this person?” says holistic coach Ekene Onu. This matters because in most good relationships, the answer is yes — and changing your mindset to consider that can provide you with needed perspective. "Even when your partner does something that impacts you negatively, if you can assume positive intent then your approach to conflict resolution will likely be different because you know that they didn't intend to hurt you,” she says. (credit:Tetra Images via Getty Images)
Laying Blame(02 of11)
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Constantly looking for someone to blame in the relationship when things go wrong can really add a negative tone to your interactions over time. "Instead of blaming your partner for something you don't like or upsets you, try a softer approach like saying, 'I feel upset or hurt when you leave your clothes on the floor after I told you that bothers me,’” says psychotherapist Jessica Marchena. “You can also say, 'I feel unheard and my feelings don't matter to you.’" (credit:Jupiterimages, Brand X Pictures via Getty Images)
Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed(03 of11)
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Make an effort to start the day off on a positive note by avoiding morning nagging and arguing, says blogger Surabhi Surendra. "Morning is the most important time of the day and thus if spent peacefully and in a loving, thankful way can lead to a peaceful, happy day,” she says. (credit:Picturenet via Getty Images)
No Longer Sharing Your Dreams(04 of11)
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Couples often share their dreams with each other in their early days, Onu says, but don’t necessarily keep that up over the years. They might stop for a variety of reasons, big and small — but continuing to picture your partner in your future dreams can help you keep him or her in your resent, she says. (credit:Betsie Van Der Meer via Getty Images)
Becoming Complacent(05 of11)
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It’s natural that after a long period of time together, you fall into a day-to-day routine. And when we all live such busy lives, it can be hard to break from the regular cycle of work-kids-housework-repeat. But that can lead couples to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. "You can repair this issue by setting goals together for you as a romantic couple,” says relationship coach Ravid Yosef. “Try date nights, holding each other while watching TV, sitting down for dinner and speaking to each other — kid-free, logistics-free talk time or doing things you love doing together." (credit:MaxRiesgo via Getty Images)
Never Saying 'I Love You'(06 of11)
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Never saying “I love you”: Making a point of sharing your feelings, even briefly, can be a good reminder to you and your partner of why you’re in for the long haul when things are tough day to day. "This builds emotional connection,” says Marchena. "Even sending an 'I love you' text lets your mate know that you are thinking of them." (credit:Barbara Penoyar via Getty Images)
Cutting Out The Kisses(07 of11)
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It’s easy for little gestures like hugs and kisses to slowly fall out of a relationship, but they’re important to hold on to because they can help maintain your intimacy in small ways when life is busy. "I have been married for more than six years and we still begin our mornings either with a kiss or a hug,” Surendra says. "Nothing can beat this daily ritual." (credit:Halfdark via Getty Images)
Always Being (Digitally) Connected(08 of11)
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Just making a point of spending time together that doesn’t involve screens can increase you emotional connection by giving you more opportunities to really talk, or to cuddle without phones and laptops in the way. "Put the phone down after a certain time and do something together, even if it is just watching TV or a movie,” Marchena says. "And also make a rule that there are to be no screens at the dinner table. Or cuddle and be together without the screens." (credit:mediaphotos via Getty Images)
Doing Everything Separately(09 of11)
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"Shared experiences bond partners,” Onu says. You don’t have to do everything together — but if the only experiences you share are the mundane ones of running your household, then you’re missing out on a simple way to grow your bond as a couple. "Make an effort to have more shared experiences than not,” Onu suggests. “It gives you something to remember when things get tough.” Getting back to that can be as simple as scheduling a regular date night, signing up for a class together, or planning a vacation with just the two of you. (credit:DavidsAdventures via Getty Images)
Living In The Past(10 of11)
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"We're neurologically programmed to predict the future based on our past,” says Yosef, "and so we make a lot of assumptions about how our partner feels and how they will react instead of actually acknowledging what's happening in the moment and dealing with it appropriately.” Take the time to be mindful of your thoughts and what is really behind them before you just run on them based on past behaviour in your relationships or assumptions about your partner’s intentions. “Ask yourself, is this a feeling or a fact?” she says. (credit:Daniel Laflor via Getty Images)
Never Looking Inward(11 of11)
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"Self awareness is a powerful tool of success in every area of life — particularly in relationships,” Onu says. Take some time to think about who you are and what you need from a relationship. For example, are you an introvert who needs regular alone time to recharge and bring your best self to your partner? Knowing things like that can help your relationship by making it easier to explain your needs to your partner, or to understand theirs. (credit:Jupiterimages via Getty Images)