Modesty Could Be The Best Thing For Your Relationship (And Health), Reveals Study
This Is Why Modest Men Will Always Do Better In The Relationship Stakes
Natasha Hinde— The Huffington Post UK
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Looking to make your relationship go the extra mile? Then humility is key - or so says science.
In a study examining modesty in romantic relationships, researchers found that humility could actually have a positive impact on your love life.
(Whoever said 'nice guys finish last' must be kicking themselves right now.)
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Scientists from the University of North Texas examined the effects of humility on the romantic relationships of 459 participants.
They studied humility against other relationship outcomes such as their levels of commitment to relationships, relationship satisfaction and ability to forgive their partners.
Researchers found that "perceptions of humility were positively related to relationship outcomes". In other words, those who showed modest traits were more likely to have a successful, long-term relationship.
Writing in the Observer column for the Association for Psychological Science, Don Emerson Davis Jr. and Joshua Hook, who co-authored the study, said: "One main benefit of humility is that it appears to strengthen social bonds... We call this the Social Bonds Hypothesis where commitment promotes a sense of 'we-ness' in close relationships so that individuals enjoy sacrificing for a partner.
They explain that viewing others as humble should "facilitate greater commitment", whereas viewing others as egotistical and selfish should decrease commitment.
And, perhaps unsurprisingly, they also suggest that this trait could improve health too.
"We call this the Health Hypothesis. If humility involves self-regulation in situations that generally lead to egotism or conflict, then it ought to be related to long-term health outcomes," they add.
"Namely, relationship conflict is stressful."
Spring Clean Your Relationship
Up Your Flirting Game(01 of10)
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When you first met, you likely used your tone, body language, eye movements and facial expressions to subtly (even subconsciously) convey your interest, says relationship expert Jess O'Reilly of Sex with Dr. Jess. "It’s time to step it up again, as flirting not only strokes your partner’s ego, but it can boost your self-esteem too." (credit:ZoneCreative via Getty Images)
Do Something Thoughtful For Your Partner (02 of10)
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Take 60 seconds a day to do something thoughtful for your partner — make them a coffee, chill a beer, steep a tea, warm up the shower, “butter” their toothbrush with toothpaste in the morning or lay out their clothes before you go to bed, O'Reilly says. "Other options include leaving a sticky-note with a few loving words on their windshield, packing a lunch, warming up their socks before work or massaging their hands. Sixty seconds is all it takes to offer a reminder that you care." (credit:Tim Kitchen via Getty Images)
Be More Affectionate (03 of10)
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And we're not just talking about sex or making out. "A 20-second hug with no strings attached may be just what you need to boost oxytocin levels and deepen your bond," O'Reilly says. (credit:Buero Monaco via Getty Images)
Take 45 Seconds To Decompress(04 of10)
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If you've had a long, hard or terrible day at work, don't bring it to your partner. "Take a break and remind yourself that all the baggage from work has nothing to do with your loving partner at home," she says. (credit:Betsie Van der Meer via Getty Images)
Take A Sex Challenge (05 of10)
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Add a small change to your sex routine: For example, if you usually have sex at night, make a new rule that sex once a week has to be during the day. Either sneak away for an afternoon delight or wake up early for morning sex. "Or you can ban sex from the bedroom — remember how hot it was to make out on the couch?" O'Reilly says. (credit:Chris Clinton via Getty Images)
Share The Responsibility (06 of10)
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When it comes to spring cleaning (and ongoing cleaning), do you feel you’re doing your fair share? Is your partner pulling his/her weight? Have a discussion on diving up your chores. "Perceived imbalance in division labour is a point of contention and stress for many couples, whether it’s over simple household chores or more intimate matters like baby-making. But regular check-ins can help to nip this in the bud," O'Reilly says. Remember to share the responsibility of not only the housework but also things like family planning and conception, so that it doesn't fall on to one person’s shoulders. “If you’re cleaning, do the chores together to help bond while also getting the work done, or if you’re aiming to get pregnant, try using an at-home conception aid together, like The Stork, or track fertility simultaneously using an app like Ovia,” O’Reilly suggests. Currently, she is working on projects for these conception-focused apps. (credit:Johner Images via Getty Images)
Clean Up Your Tone(07 of10)
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It’s not what you're saying — it’s how you're saying it. The next time you’re frustrated with your partner (or you’re simply taking your frustrations out on your partner because you ignored tip #4), check your tone, O'Reilly says. "If your mom, dad, boss or best friend was in the room, would you speak in that tone? If not, adjust it accordingly." (credit:Thomas Barwick via Getty Images)
Schedule A Financial Check-In (08 of10)
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Along with division of labour, sex and children, money ranks as a top issue of conflict in relationships, O'Reilly says. "Be pro-active and talk about your financial situation, plans and goals over brunch or a nice glass of wine. Sometimes a simple conversation can help to ease tension by giving you a better understanding of why your partner makes certain financial decisions." (credit:Guangyu Cai via Getty Images)
Talk About Sex (09 of10)
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How often do you want it? How often does your partner want it? Is there anything new you’d like to try? Address these questions with your partner during one-on-one time. (credit:Chris Clinton via Getty Images)
Express Gratitude (10 of10)
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Most of us don’t do this enough, especially to the people we love. "We may be thankful for all that our partner does, but we often fail to express this gratitude. Thank your partner more and ask them to do the same." (credit:Photography by Braden Summers via Getty Images)