Susanna Reid And Dominic Cotton: Is It Possible To Live Harmoniously With Your Ex?
Is It Possible To Live Harmoniously With Your Ex?
The Huffington Post UK
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Despite breaking up more than a year ago, TV presenter Susanna Reid and her ex-partner Dominic Cotton still live in the same house.
The couple were together for 16 years and have three children together, although they never married. But despite the break-up they have decided not to part ways - even though Cotton has got a new girlfriend.
“We live separately but together and happily in the same house. I'm not saying everybody can do it and I definitely think people are surprised that we can do it this way."
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She adds: “There have been feelings hurt along the way, obviously, but Dom and I had a takeaway together last night, a good chat and he's a great friend of mine."
While Reid and Cotton's set-up might seem unusual, it is not unheard of. Christine Northam, a relationship expert at Relate, says there are multiple reasons that a couple may stay together - some are out of necessity, others are out of choice.
"It's often due to financial worries, they may have a business together or be unable to afford a second property for one partner to move into," she tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle. "Of course another cited reason will be for the children and to keep the family unit intact."
But is continuing to live together really in the "best interest" of the children?
"Most childrens' lives revolve around the home," explains Northam. "And for this to break down can be difficult for children."
Suzi Godson, The Times sex columnist and HuffPost UK blogger says: "Kids need to know that they are loved by, and have access to both parents. They need to feel safe and they need to know that they won’t be used as pawns in a war which is about parental revenge not their wellbeing.
"Splitting always hurts children but the damage that is done by parents prior to separation causes as much, if not more, hurt and anxiety."
It's vital for separating parents to be honest with their children and to establish a trustful relationship. "I would recommend sitting down with the children and explain that you are breaking up, but to reassure that the break-up will not damage or affect the family set-up," say Northam.
For the set-up to work in practice, Northam says couples will need to rewrite the rules.
"The relationship has a completely different set of boundaries. Before you were lovers and intimate, and suddenly you're just friends," she says. "I would advise my clients to draw up a new 'contract' or set of rules to try to live by. And it is up to each couple to figure out what these are and how to manage them."
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13 Ways To Get Over A Breakup
Get Out Of Your Negative Thinking (01 of13)
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Most people going through a breakup are constantly reliving and thinking about all the negativity in their lives and within themselves, says clinical hypnotherapist and author Colin Christopher. So, instead of giving up on love or lowering your self-esteem, spend 10 minutes a day reciting positive thoughts to yourself. "For example: 'I am strong, confident, attractive and make a great life partner.'" (credit:ULTRA F via Getty Images)
Take A Break (02 of13)
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Don't jump back into the dating pool so soon. Take some time to recover from your breakup before seeing someone new. "This isn’t a race and only you will know when you’re ready," Christopher says. (credit:Christopher Hope-Fitch via Getty Images)
Seek Support (03 of13)
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There's no reason to ride the emotional roller coaster alone. Seek support by talking to your close friends, family members or a therapist. You can always browse groups on Facebook or online forums to see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing (and know that they will be!). (credit:Christopher Futcher via Getty Images)
Do Something Fun(04 of13)
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When was the last time you had fun by yourself or with someone other than your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend? "Immediately following a breakup, do something you really enjoy doing. It could be mountain climbing, exercising, bird watching, taking that trip to Europe with your best friend or whatever," Christopher says. (credit:James Oliver via Getty Images)
Don't Play The Blame Game(05 of13)
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Whether you feel the breakup was a result of your actions or something your ex did, stop playing the blame game. See this breakup as a learning experience and put the focus on moving on instead. (credit:Artistan via Getty Images)
Learn To Let Go(06 of13)
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When you’re fresh out of a relationship, there is a tendency to reread old emails, love letters and even try to accidentally have a run-in with your ex. Don't do this. "The best way to move on is to forget about him or her altogether. Delete old emails, take them out of your contacts list and don’t spy on them on Facebook." (credit:Design Pics via Getty Images)
Focus On The Future (07 of13)
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The best thing about breakups is that they allow you to go into a new relationship with a new mindset. "When you’re ready to move on, think about what your life looks like next year at this time. Define what you really want," he says. Christopher suggests writing down what your ideal mate looks like and activities you would want to with them — it's fine to get excited about dating again. (credit:ViewStock via Getty Images)
Don't Hook Up With An Old Fling (08 of13)
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When you go through a breakup, that feeling of being wanted and needed is absent, especially sexually. "Many people have a tendency to contact a long lost ex who knows them well and could make them feel comfortable and wanted again," he says. While this might seem like a good idea, it will actually hold you back from moving on. (credit:David Zach via Getty Images)
Get Out of The House(09 of13)
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It's easy to stay inside and disconnect yourself from the world — or spend hours filling your social media feeds with sappy quotes and video clips. "This perpetuates feeling lonely. Get out with friends/family at least three times in a week doing something social (work doesn't count), so you're not home alone feeling bad," Christopher says. (credit:@mr.jerry via Getty Images)
Make New Friends (10 of13)
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Your current friends can be an excellent support network, but this doesn't mean you can't add new faces into your life. Hit up a bar with your besties, join a new community group or join a local gym to meet new people. (credit:Michael Blann via Getty Images)
Speaking Of The Gym.. (11 of13)
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"Exercise can rejuvenate your body and can release endorphins that make you feel better and improves your energy levels to help you feel better about yourself faster," Christopher says. You can also try meditation, yoga or a boot camp class to challenge and distract you. (credit:Gary Burchell via Getty Images)
Stay Away From Those Rom Coms(12 of13)
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You may think "The Notebook" and other relationship movies give you solace, but they are movies and not real life, Christopher notes. "They are no substitute for interacting with real people and getting out into the real world and building your own happy ending." (credit:Cultura/Liam Norris via Getty Images)
Avoid Booze(13 of13)
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Let's face it, a lot of us can suppress our feelings or feel better when we're drinking alcohol in large quantities. "Many times you may feel better when you are drinking; however, alcohol is a depressant and any short term euphoria you feel will be dashed by the feelings of loneliness or a hangover the next day." (credit:Tom Merton via Getty Images)
Northam explains that the living situation could be difficult especially when one finds a new partner.
"Living with your ex in the house you once shared, you’d be surrounded by the memories of the lost relationship," she says. "Suddenly you're no longer lovers or intimate, so there could be a sense of loss and lingering anger. This becomes more difficult when a new partner is introduced, you have to be truly over the relationship not to become angry."
Of course, not every co-habiting break-up will be as (seemingly) rose coloured as Reid and Cotton's. Suzi Godson, The Times sex columnist who writes a weekly blog for HuffPost UK, explains that unmarried couples who live together are often unaware of their legal rights.
"Half of people (51%) in the UK still falsely believe that cohabiting couples have rights as 'common law' spouses. Only 38% know that common law marriage does not exist," she writes in a recent blog.
"In the UK when a cohabiting relationship ends, neither partner has a legal duty to support the other financially. If your partner is the sole owner of the property you live in, you may have no rights to remain in the home if you are asked to leave."
What do you think of Reid and Cotton's decision to live together, but separated? Let us know in the comments below.