Mum Supports 9-Year-Old Transgender Child's Decision To Transition At The Start Of The School Year | HuffPost Life

Mum Supports Transgender Child's 'Brave' Decision To Transition At The Start Of The School Year

Caters News Agency

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A nine-year-old child who was born a boy, has been praised for his "bravery" by his mother, after making the decision to start the next school year as a girl.

Joseph Hughes, from Rhyl, north Wales, asked for a wig for Christmas and wears a dress when out with mum Sam Hughes, 41, as he makes the transition to becoming Ellie-Jo.

His mum said: "He is definitely more confident as Ellie-Jo and more content in himself.

"I just wanted to raise awareness because I had no idea about this until Joseph started acting more like a girl when he was two.

"I want to help other families feel as secure and comfortable with it as I am."

The proud mum-of-six said she leaves it up to Joseph to decide his gender.

Hughes said: "Joseph is the one who has made this choice - if I'd have dressed him up as a girl from the start then he wouldn't have had a clue - but all this has come from him and I just let him get on with it.

"Some days he'll come home from school and put a dress on, some days it'll be some a t-shirt and jeans.

"It's easier for him to dress up and paint his nails when he's indoors at the moment because he can still get a little embarrassed when someone notices his nails."

Hughes added: "He's started going out in a dress when he is with me so that'll prepare him for when he has to go out on his own and do it - he wants to back to school as a girl in September."

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The full-time mum says she is sure it is not a phase after taking Joseph to see specialists at CAMHS (Child and Adult Mental Health Services) and a children's clinic in Rhuddlan, north Wales.

The specialists said they want to wait until Joseph's hormones develop by the time he is 11 to see if it is a lasting choice.

But Hughes has no doubt in her mind that Joseph has gender dysphoria.

Hughes said: "What child at the age of nine chooses to go outside dressed as a girl? As an adult that would not be normal - I wouldn't do that - that's bravery.

"He's my son and I will back him all the way whatever he wants to do.

"If he turns around in five years' time and says I want to be a boy or I want to make the change permanent then I will never stand in his way."

Useful websites and helplines:
Beaumont Society is a national self help body run by and for the transgender community | 01582 412220
The Gender Trust supports anyone affected by gender identity | 01527 894 838
Mermaids offers information, support, friendship and shared experiences for young people with gender identity issues | 0208 1234819
LGBT Youth Scotland is the largest youth and community-based organisation for LGBT people in Scotland. Text 07786 202 370
Gires provides information for trans people, their families and professionals who care for them | 01372 801554
Depend provides support, advice and information for anyone who knows, or is related to, a transsexual person in the UK.

Transgender Acceptance

A person's identity is their own to decide(01 of10)

If someone tells you they are a “he”, a “she”, a “they” (which some genderqueer people opt for), use that pronoun. Some people might even refer to themselves as an “it”, but definitely avoid this unless a person has specifically asked. You do not decide a person's identity, they do, both because it’s their right and because they are the only people that can ever truly know. Respect their wishes without question. (credit:DaveBleasdale/Flickr)

If you're unsure how to refer to someone, just ask(02 of10)

If you really don't know, the best option is to just ask. Dancing around the subject can be irritating for a transgender person. Think of it like asking someone’s name: until you ask what it is, it’s fine for you to not know! If you’ve not had an opportunity to ask yet, “they” is a good general purpose pronoun to go for. Definitely don’t resort to “it”, “she-he”, “he-she” etc. as most people find these names horribly degrading. (credit:Matiluba/Flickr)

Be careful when talking about the past(03 of10)

When you're referring to things in the past, never say things like "when you were x gender", or "born a man/woman". Most transgender people feel like they have always been the gender they have come out to you as, but needed to come to terms with it in their own way. Instead refer to the past without referencing gender, for example, "last year", or "when you were a child". (credit:jasonepowell/Flickr)

Don't be afraid to ask questions(04 of10)

Each person is different, so won’t want to talk about it at all, whereas some might enjoy the opportunity to discuss it. The worst thing you can do is be awkward about it; just ask them if they want to talk about it! At the same time, don’t ask questions that would be strange to ask a cis person. Transgender people and cis people should be treated the same – don’t start conversations about their bodies, for example, that wouldn't be normal to discuss with your cis friends. (credit:Eleaf/Flickr)

Forget stereotypes(05 of10)

Never call out a transgender person for behaviour which isn’t stereotypical for their identified gender, for example, if your trans-woman friend decides she doesn’t feel more comfortable in trousers sometimes. Gender identity is much more than just the things people do and the way they dress, but it’s not uncommon for transgender people to feel pressured into following stereotypes to “prove” themselves to their friends. (credit:kristin_a (Meringue Bake Shop)/Flickr)

Respect their privacy(06 of10)

This one should be obvious, but never out someone unless they’ve made it clear they are openly transgender. It’s up to the individual to decide when they are comfortable coming out to people, and it is possible for them to be out to some people, but not others, so don’t assume that because they’ve come out to you there’s a free pass to tell everyone about it. (credit:anna gutermuth/Flickr)

It's okay to make mistakes(07 of10)

Although it is important you try your best to respect a person’s identity, you are only human – if you've known your friend a long time, you'll likely have a lot of habits to break, including a change of name, pronouns, etc. As long as you’re trying, transgender people normally don’t mind. Sometimes they might point out that you’ve messed up, and that’s fine. When they do, measure the tone of their voice: if they are annoyed about it, calmly say sorry and try to ensure it doesn’t happen again. But equally, if they seem happy, don’t make a massive deal of it. (credit:opensourceway/Flickr)

Cross-dressing(08 of10)

A cross-dresser is just someone who dresses in clothes stereotypically associated with the opposite gender: cross-dressing does not imply anything about a person’s gender. Eddie Izzard, for example, is a straight cis male who loves his makeup and dresses. Don’t say a cross-dresser dresses in “women’s clothes” or “men’s clothes” – if a male likes to wear dresses that he owns, he’s wearing a man’s dress because they are his. And do not assume that a person's gender correlates with their sexuality - it doesn't. (credit:twicepix/Flickr)

Get the terms right(09 of10)

Try to avoid the term 'transvestite' as no one knows what it means. Technically, it just means 'cross-dresser', but it has been misused for a while now. 'Sex' is what body you have whereas 'gender' refers to a person’s identity. Other than the fact it is fairly common for a person’s gender to match their sex ('cis'), the two things are otherwise completely unrelated. 'Genderqueer' is a broad term that covers people that don’t fit into the stereotypical gender binary – that may be because they don’t feel they have a gender at all, they feel that they fit into another, third, gender or that they flit between those options, making them 'genderfluid'. 'Transgender' is someone who identifies with a gender other than their birth-assigned sex. A 'Transsexual' is someone who has physically changed their sex. (credit:.reid./Flickr)

Don't know? Don't worry!(10 of10)

If you see someone out in public and you can’t figure out what gender they are, just don’t worry about it! Definitely don’t have a loud conversation discussing what “they might be”, and absolutely don’t try to peek under their skirt or into their shirt to see what 'parts' they’ve got. Yes, some transgender people really do have to put up with that sort of thing. (credit:@Doug88888/Flickr)

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