What To Say To Someone With Breast Cancer (And Phrases To Avoid Altogether)

What To Say To Someone With Breast Cancer
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When a friend is diagnosed with breast cancer, it can be difficult to know what to say.

Suzy Thompson was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2008. She says: "People want to help, they really do. And they want to say nice things."

But sadly many don't know where to begin.

Thompson said many of her friends didn't know what to say to her, following diagnosis. One of them said: "I've had friends who have had breast cancer, I had three friends who had it and one of them survived."

This, she says, isn't helpful. And rather than focusing on the one person who survived, you - as a cancer patient - are automatically led to think about the two people who didn't.

Nancy Morris was diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2015. After she told one of her friends she had cancer, her friend replied: "Oh, but my mum died."

Again, not helpful.

In the above video, the people at Newsy make a few recommendations of things to never say to a friend or family member who has been diagnosed with cancer:

  • Don't offer unsolicited advice
  • Don't say "I can imagine how you must feel"
  • Don't say "my sister/brother/friend had breast cancer"
  • Don't ask "will you lose your hair/breasts?"

But they do offer some advice on what you can say:

  • Let them know you care
  • Offer to help in specific ways
  • Keep your relationship as normal and balanced as possible
  • "I'm not sure what to say but I want you to know I care."
  • "I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this."
  • "How are you doing?"
  • If you would like to talk about it, I'm here."
  • "Please let me know how I can help."
  • "I'll keep you in my thoughts."
Breast Cancer Signs And Treatment
What Are The Symptoms?(01 of10)
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"A new painless, firm breast lump with irregular margins is a potential symptom of breast cancer," says Dr. Sandhya Pruthi, a breast cancer researcher at the Mayo Clinic. "The cancer diagnosis is confirmed following a biopsy of the lump." She notes that usually, women who are newly diagnosed with breast cancer are healthy and don't feel sick at all. (credit:LarsZahnerPhotography via Getty Images)
Other Symptoms(02 of10)
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Another potential symptom/sign of breast cancer, Pruthi notes, is a new onset of persistent redness on the skin overtop the breast with an orange peel appearance. This would also need a biopsy to confirm a diagnosis of breast cancer. (credit:Image Source via Getty Images)
Metastatic Cancer Symptoms(03 of10)
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"If the cancer is very advanced (metastatic) then the symptoms may also include weight loss, bone pain, headaches, nausea and persistent cough," Pruthi says. (credit:pamela burley via Getty Images)
What Are The Risk Factors?(04 of10)
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Some commonly associated risk factors, Pruthi says, are menstruation before age 11, menstruation after age 54, a first pregnancy after age 35 and a family history of relatives diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer. (credit:AP Photo/M. Spencer Green)
Are There Any Lifestyle Risk Factors?(05 of10)
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"There is evidence in the literature that obesity after menopause, lack of regular exercise, consuming greater than more or more alcoholic beverages daily, and a high fat diet can all be associated with a higher breast cancer risk," Pruthi notes. But, she points out, "women need to know that any woman can get breast cancer even in the absence of any of these risk factors." (credit:Adrian Samson via Getty Images)
Can I Eat Anything To Prevent It?(06 of10)
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There are no specific types of diets, Pruthi says, but rather women are encouraged to eat fruits, vegetables, fibre, and minimize their alcohol and fat intake, as well as get regular exercise. (credit:lola1960 via Getty Images)
How Do Doctors Determine Treatment?(07 of10)
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"The most current treatment of breast cancer has taken on a individualized approach and is dependent on the biology or aggressive features of the breast cancer," Pruthi explains. "Breast cancer is a heterogeneous disease and this means that are many sub-types and different degrees of aggressiveness. So staging, which typically takes into account common prognostic features such as tumour size and if lymph nodes are involved, are no longer the only factors doctors use to determine treatment options." (credit:Christopher Futcher via Getty Images)
So What Do They Look At?(08 of10)
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"Today the biology of the tumour is also characterized by molecular markers (also known as predictive markers) such as if the estrogen or progesterone receptor is positive or negative and if the HER 2 protein is positive or negative," she says. "This helps decide who will benefit from a specific chemotherapy regimen, hormonal medications known as antiestrogens or who may need both chemotherapy and hormonal treatment." (credit:BluePlanetEarth via Getty Images)
What About Preventative Mastectomies?(09 of10)
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"Preventive mastectomy is an option for women at very high risk for developing breast cancer because they are BRCA 1 or 2 gene positive or if someone has hereditary predisposition to getting breast cancer but chooses not to have the genetic testing done," Pruthi says. "It is prudent that women who are considering this surgery know their family history in detail. Based on the moderate or strong family history, your doctor would recommend you meet with a genetic counselor to go over the family pedigree and help decide who should test for the breast cancer gene, when to test and how to interpret the genetic test results before proceeding with this preventive surgery." (credit:Jesús Jaime Mota via Getty Images)
Are Other Preventative Treatments Available?(10 of10)
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"High risk women who have had precancerous breast biopsies or strong family history may also be eligible to take preventive medications such as tamoxifen, raloxifene or exemestane to reduce breast cancer risk," Pruthi adds. (credit:art-4-art via Getty Images)