As Valentine's Day is largely pointless, since flowers die, chocolate is bad for you and teddy bears are irritating items you'll eventually need to find hiding places for, perhaps it's time to update this tired tradition to make it more meaningful in the real world of the 21st Century. To get your creative juices flowing, here are a few suggestions designed to retain their lustre come Sunday morning...
Woo them by tackling their student debt...
Even if it's just £20 quid, nothing shows you care more clearly than chipping away at that albatross around their neck. Definitely more thoughtful than whatever Katy Perry fragrance is on offer in Superdrug.
Show them you love them with a new toothbrush, some shower gel, and a ten pack of razors...
Demonstrate that you value their time by removing the need for them to spend their hard-earned money on life's boring essentials. Few things say "Let's get intimate" like dental floss, and a ten-pack of Handy Andy's.
Delight them with a month's season ticket on their travel card...
For a real gesture of love, rid their month of irritation and spare them the shame of being awkwardly turned away at ticket barriers in rush hour. You'll be their hero, and the time you'll save them is likely to be better spent elsewhere (wink wink).
Treat them to towels...
Why fiddle about with spa vouchers when chances are they're drying themselves on an ever-damp sheet of sandpaper. Your loved one deserves to be wrapped in something fluffy. True love is removing their need to visit Primark. Chuck in a bonus flannel and who knows how wild the night might get.
Say it with staples...
Bring your partner the peace of mind that comes with knowing they're not going to run out of marge or washing powder for a whole month. I shouldn't have to remind you that no human likes running short on peppercorns.
Romance them with a pair of shoes that don't leak...
Because, frankly, caring enough to ensure their toes are dry, will help keep other areas wet (if you know what I'm saying).
Try it, see what happens, and let me know if you've got any to add.
Amy is a writer and blogger from London, who has just written a humour memoir about putting life advice to the test.