Wasting our life on pop culture blogs and gossip sites, so you don't have to.
By this point in 2012, you're probably bored stupid of friends who won't meet you for an alcoholic drink until February, and magazines promising "New Year, New You!" schemes of physical and gastronomical misery, usually alongside a bikini-clad celebrity salesperson.
Take heart, because have we got a treat for you. Huge thanks to the ever-brilliant Gawker.com for alerting us to the health kick internet phenomenon which is Fred Durst Live Blogging a 60-Day Juice Fast. Surprised that a 1990s rock frontman and sex tape aficionado would buy into the sort of health fads you'd normally associate with Gwyneth Paltrow, whose goop cleanse is causing mass moodswings as we speak?
Ha! How little you know. He lives in LA. Nobody in LA can resist the pro-wheatgrass lobby for long. The other problem with LA is that nobody tells you that something is a crummy idea which will result in public ridicule. For Durst, January 2012 has beautifully illustrated the drawbacks of a) a wheatgrass juice fast and b) fawning sycophancy.
As Gawker.com reports, on January 2nd Durst urged his 1,529,843 Twitter followers to check out his 60-day juice fast blog, at fred60.tumblr.com. His first post was a pic of his new power juicer, alongside the chirpy caption "My new best friend!" So hopeful, so cheesy, so full of promise.
A few hours later, however, Durst was forced to admit: "Geez. This blows."
No shit! You've just signed up to 60 days and 60 nights of no food! That's 50% longer than Jesus managed, and he was the Son of God.
By Day 3, Durst's daily detox missives were even more wretched and uninspiring. "This is going slowwwww. Probably because I cheated last night and had some M&M's." Amazing. I don't want to give too much away here, but Day 4 features an oatmeal cookie.
Having written about the weird old business of celebrity-endorsed weightloss plans in the past, I'm thrilled to finally read an honest account of failed health extremism. Trust me, this is the only celebrity diet blog you need to be reading right now.
Papped-A-Middleton?
The Leveson Inquiry is addictive viewing most days, but one of the most dramatic nuggets of information to emerge this week comes courtesy of Paul Silva, the Daily Mail's picture editor, who told Lord Justice Leveson that he receives up to 400 pictures of Pippa Middleton every day, from freelance photographers and picture agencies keen to cash in on the photogenic Royal sis-in-law.
"At the moment there are nine or 10 agencies outside her house [on any given day]," said Silva. "If she goes to get coffee, she goes back into her house, we get 300 to 400 pictures ...There is no justification for using them."
Unfashionable as it is to praise the Daily Mail, their impressively comprehensive celebrity coverage is picked up, ripped off and linked to by media outlets across the world, so it's interesting to hear about what they don't print.
Tina Fey Lies About Erections
We enjoy almost everything Tina Fey does, but we particularly liked the story she told Jimmy Fallon this week. As Radar reports, Fey said she was watching her hit show 30 Rock with her 6-year-old daughter, Alice, when the word "erection" rang out, loud and clear. Alice demanded, "What's an erection?" to which Fey replied, "An erection is a building." Unfortunately, Alice wasn't fooled, and her mum was forced to awkwardly talk sex with her daughter. "I wanted to be so mad at the show ... but it was my show." says Fey. Don't you just hate it when that happens?