Lipgoss: J-Lo's Onstage Meltdown Explained

26/10/2011 23:12 BST | Updated 26/12/2011 10:12 GMT

Wasting our life on pop culture blogs and gossip sites, so you don't have to.

Much as we respect Jennifer Lopez for her services to the perfume industry (Joke! All her fragrances ming!) we cannot conceal our bemusement at this week's events. As reports, during a headline performance at Mohegan Sun Arena's 15th anniversary celebration, Jen got a bit sobby during an acoustic performance of mediocre self-penned sapfest If You Had My Love. After telling the audience that this was "the first song I wrote about love," and musing, "What is love?...A lot has changed since then," she fled the stage in tears.

FINE. We're all entitled to our sobbing meltdowns, even if this one was slightly more appropriate to the ladies toilets of Sugar Hut than a sell-out gig.

BUT GET THIS: "As she sang, pairs of dancers appeared in spotlights around her. One couple had a P. Diddy look-alike with the female dancer wearing a copy of her infamous slit-down-to-the navel Versace gown. Another had a male dancer mimicking Cris Judd with the girl in jeans and a T-shirt, while another pair had the girl wearing a seafoam green gown on the arm of a Ben Affleck double. Most telling was the dancing couple who recreated Lopez and Marc Anthony during their sizzling American Idol performance last May, just weeks before they announced their split."

Dial M for Meltdown! How could anyone have thought this was a good idea?

But we're always being told there's a reasonable explanation for everything, so clearly J-Lo's evil twin imprisoned her in a bunker, stole her identity and bitch-slapped her choreographer into submission before finally forcing Jen onstage with an M14 aimed square at her forehead.

Eddie Murphy, bad where it matters

So Eddie Murphy has bagged the prize gig of hosting the 2012 Oscars, and, as the Daily Mail reports, he's been joshing about how people should expect the worst from him. "I'm going to be horrendous," he grinned. "I'm going to be the worst host ever." Oh, Eddie, don't be silly. You're not the worst Oscars host ever. You're the worst babyfather.

We've got trailer!

Don't pretend you haven't been desperate for news about St Angelina's directorial debut. You know, the Serbian war melodrama! Love across the divide? War crimes? Anyone? What, you've been too busy looking at Jennifer Aniston's humps at the Elle bash? Well, if any of you feel like educating yourselves, here it is.