13/11/2013 12:17 GMT | Updated 23/01/2014 18:58 GMT

30 Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy

Are guys unkind to you or unreliable or make promises they can't keep or won't commit?

Do the guys you date make you feel bad about yourself?

If so...

Do you date a guy like this and hope he may change? Do you make excuses for him?

I used to.

As a child I allowed people to treat me in ways that were insensitive, and at times even abusive because I was told I HAD TO BE a 'nice girl'.

My fear of abandonment was huge....

I was also scared of men abandoning me - I didn't like to be on my own that I did whatever it took to get them to like me.

So I guess it comes as no surprise that I dated the wrong guys.

I was successful and financially independent, and so I couldn't believe I had got caught in a trap by a man. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it coming. I was constantly being duped and ended up having many sleepless nights, time slipping through my fingers, trying to figure out these elusive, ambiguous, flaky men I was dating.

These guys were arrogant, and neglecting me.

I was NOT feeling good about myself.

I learned the hard way that these guys have such an enormous ego they usually always have one woman they can 'fall back on' as they always need to have someone in the wings and there is always a woman who will welcome these guys with open arms. Women with a deep fear of being alone, lack of confidence and low self- esteem will always be the fallback girl.

I got so seduced by the fascination and frustration and on and off drama... These guys used to 'intrigue' me and I would find myself obsessing about them even when they behaved like they could easily live without me.

Why was I making someone a priority when clearly I was merely an option.

Crazy eh?

Here are my top 30 signs YOU are dating the wrong guy.

1. He believes you are his possession, rather than his partner

2. He never takes responsibility for himself, he always twists things and lays the blame on you

3. He is emotionally unavailable

4. He drinks too much or takes drugs

5. He is still attached to his ex

6. He has mood swings

7. You often have to tip toe around on eggshells with him

8. He is controlling

9. He doesn't shower you with positive attention

10. You are never certain where you stand with him

11. You are into his 'potential' rather than facing the reality

12. Everything is on his terms

13. He speaks down to you or/and make disrespectful remarks

14. He constantly needs to get the last word in and needs to be right

15. His is either a workaholic or has no drive, no goals, no aspirations

16. You always feel like you have to prove yourself to him

17. He doesn't make you feel valued

18. He makes constant derogatory remarks about your friends and family

19. You are not that into him but don't like being alone

20. He always leaves soon after sex or rolls over and faces the other way

21. He likes the sound of his own voice more than he likes the sound of yours.

22. He objectifies you.

23. He undermines your goals, dreams and visions

24. He plays games and always manipulates you to get what he wants

25. He doesn't show up when he says he will

26. He doesn't make you feel cherished

27. He talks over you and interrupts you

28. You spend time and energy trying to fix him

29. He is devoid of empathy

30. He is a walking contradiction

If these signs sound familiar - you need to re think who you date. Build up a relationship with yourself before you start building a relationship with someone else. Get clear on your 'ideal man' and your values. Remember when we settle for less, we ALWAYS get less than we settle for. Do not waste precious time with guys who are 'GFN' (good for now). Instead value yourself more, and if it is not an absolute yes, rule of thumb is it's generally a 'no. After all we cannot expect to find Mr Right when we keep dating Mr Right Now.


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