Kirsty Smith

TV Producer, Writer, Mum

Eeh Bah Mum is the parenting blog that’s not just for parents.

Looking at the funny side of family life so far I have asked Is My Son A Dick? (answer: Yes probably) and compared my toddler daughter to Margaret Thatcher and written about the Top 10 Things you will do as a parent that you will not like.

Before I had children I was a successful TV producer making comedy, magic and entertainment programmes, I owned a Mulberry handbag entirely free from rice cakes.

Fast forward to the birth of my second child when I was asked if I’d describe myself as a Stay At Home Mum or a Housewife? Now I am kept awake worrying that if I die in a freak accident I will be described in the news as a 40 year old housewife/ home maker and mother of two.

Which I suppose I am.

But I’m also lots of other things too: If I am dead please feel free to flesh out your obit with the following:

Eeh Bah Mum is a runner, a writer, a Morris Dancer, a magician’s assistant, an amazing Southeast Asian cook, not very good at baking, even worse at sewing, don’t get me started on knitting….

Eeh Bah Mum loves Jon Stewart, Vietnamese food, Marc Jacobs clothes, Midwinter pottery, my Acne Pistol boots, Vivienne Westwood (clothes and the lady), making pies, London, Yorkshire, my boobs, punching things (a recent discovery), Billy Liar, Agatha Christie, Amy Tan and the Bronte sisters.

I hate that Mr Eeh Bah (a southerner) makes better Yorkshire puddings than me and I think my children are wonderful but wish they could be wonderful in a quieter, tidier, less annoying fashion.

My blog won the Badass Blog Award for Best Mommy Blogger and has been the Mumsnet Blog Of The Day, a Tots100 Good Read and Netmums Blog Of The Week, twice. (Ooh get her.)
The 2016 Dictionary of Modern

The 2016 Dictionary of Modern Parenting

Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother, I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say 'We don't really eat sugary snacks in our house'.
26/01/2016 22:30 GMT
Surviving Christmas With Small

Surviving Christmas With Small Children

There is no better festive entertainment than watching a room full of small children run screaming from a sweaty man in a polyester fat suit and a fake beard. This is because small children have an innate fear of strange men climbing into their bedrooms in the middle of the night which can only be a good thing.
09/12/2015 17:24 GMT
The Loneliness of the Long-Serving

The Loneliness of the Long-Serving Mother

Peeling down to your sexy underwear on a naughty weekend break before drunkenly deciding 'Let's make a baby!' is exciting. It was being exciting that got you into this mess. Being boring might be tedious but it rarely ends in childbirth.
29/11/2015 19:02 GMT
Miscarriage: A Positive

Miscarriage: A Positive Message

I can't remember exactly what the sonographer said but she was sorry. Looking back I feel sorry for the couples sat excitedly outside the scan room. Sitting waiting for their big moment as sobbing woman ran through the waiting room with her pants halfway down her legs.
05/08/2015 20:21 BST
What Mummy Really

What Mummy Really Means

As a mum I'm aware that most of the things I say to my children are lies. Not big fat lies like that time I told my daughter it's illegal for children to have their own packet of crisps, just small untruths, things that don't mean exactly what they say.
10/06/2015 17:22 BST
The New Mum's Guide to Surviving

The New Mum's Guide to Surviving Playgroup

Playgroups can be noisy, intimidating places and as the responsible adult it is generally considered unacceptable to burst into tears and throw yourself on the floor screaming if you decide you don't really like it.
14/05/2015 17:26 BST
Why Both Bad Mum and Perfect Mum Can F***

Why Both Bad Mum and Perfect Mum Can F*** Off

I get it - we like Bad Mum, she swears, she drinks, she reads her smartphone in the park while the kids face plant off the roundabout. On the surface that description does seem to fit my parenting style perfectly so you might imagine I'd be cheering Bad Mum on. But I'm not.
10/05/2015 22:29 BST
Does 'Bitchy Middle-Class Mum'

Does 'Bitchy Middle-Class Mum' Exist?

You know those mums? The ones that look down their noses at you and your snot covered offspring. The ones with a tribe of picture perfect children all wearing immaculate Breton tops and snacking on hummus and crudités. You know them? Because I'm not sure I do.
01/10/2013 18:16 BST
The Summer Holidays in a

The Summer Holidays in a Nutshell

Type the word picnic into Pinterest and you will be assaulted by picture perfect picnics complete with drinks served in jam jars, wicker baskets and sandwiches wrapped in string. Who is creating this shit?
16/08/2013 13:23 BST
Six Ways Running is Exactly the Same as Looking After a

Six Ways Running is Exactly the Same as Looking After a Toddler

1. If you're doing it right you will look like crap: If you go for a run and come back with a healthy sheen and a big smile you need to turn your ass round and do it all again. If have been looking after small children and your clothes and hair remain immaculate you have not been looking after them properly.
24/07/2013 11:53 BST
How to be Left the Fuck Alone by Small

How to be Left the Fuck Alone by Small Children

Are you one of those people who tuts loudly when small children ruin your peaceful coffee break? Well I am (supposedly) in charge of those small children. And when you tut it just makes matters worse (for you, not me, my coffee break was already ruined).
12/07/2013 14:58 BST
Seven Ways Festival Season Prepares You for

Seven Ways Festival Season Prepares You for Parenthood

Going to festivals and staying up for three consecutive nights might on first glance not seem the best preparation for starting a family but there are definitely some benefits to be had from rolling around a field smelling of day old cider.
28/06/2013 17:29 BST
Protocol for Visiting a New Baby: A Guide for Her Majesty The

Protocol for Visiting a New Baby: A Guide for Her Majesty The Queen

A new baby trumps any guests, even royal ones. All special treatment is diverted to the newest member of the family and guests must respect this and accept that standards in the home you are visiting may not be what they usually are. So Your Majesty do not be surprised if you glance around the room and see William's underpants drying on the radiators.
19/06/2013 10:47 BST