THE BLOG
24/02/2015 12:28 GMT | Updated 26/04/2015 06:59 BST

Six Reasons Why I'm Quitting Stand-Up Comedy

Set up your own 'comedian' page on Facebook if you like, but until you are writing 'comedian' in your passport it's just a hobby. It's an expensive one too. Getting to gigs isn't cheap, and if like me you live outside of shitty London and are permanently skint it rules out a lot of opportunities.

Below is a post that originated on my website and was shared with a comedian's forum on Facebook. My intentions were to start a debate, increase the attendance at my dwindling comedy gig, get more views than normal, and to annoy the easily angered internet user. Mainly the latter happened.

People can only consume content through numerical lists so I have decided to explain (in a Buzzfeed style) why I am quitting stand-up comedy. Other average comedians out there may/may not be able to relate to my life...

1) I'VE NO DESIRE TO BE FAMOUS

I have no desire to be famous and am therefore less inclined to work like a dog on the circuit. But you and the seven billion other acts (in London alone) have all got one eye on fame. That's why you hate Dapper Laughs so much, because he achieved your dream without a shred of talent. Galling.

2) IT'S A HOBBY

Set up your own 'comedian' page on Facebook if you like, but until you are writing 'comedian' in your passport it's just a hobby. It's an expensive one too. Getting to gigs isn't cheap, and if like me you live outside of shitty London and are permanently skint it rules out a lot of opportunities. London Galling.

3) KNOW YOUR PLACE

I can get laughs, I am adequately skilled at my particular brand of comedy (satire), but it's a niche brand, one that won't earn me money outside of my own night in Brighton, and I'm not prepared to water down my gags to entertain slack-jawed stags and hens at Jongleurs. There's not really a circuit for political comics any more, so I'm more Ben Morgan than Ben Elton. Galling.

4) TO ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN COMEDY YOU HAVE TO GIG ALL THE BLOODY TIME

Other than a lack of funds another thing gets in the way - Life. I sometimes wish I could do nothing but gig seven days a week, thus blocking out my lack of a sex life and people skills, but I have other hobbies and *drumroll please* mates. Friends that I see more than once a year. Imagine what that's like for a second. Not galling.

5) I'D BE A SHIT PROMOTER

I've chosen to run a political comedy gig - It's SO HARD getting punters in. No matter how many days i spend flyering/plugging the gig online/paying Facebook to plug the gig online, our average attendance is around 10 people per gig. I'm on a hiding to nothing. Galling.

6) TOO MANY COMEDIANS, AND TOO MANY SHIT COMPETITIONS

That bloke who complained about the NATYS hasn't got a fucking clue. I honestly feel that the amount of good acts outweighs the shit ones, and therein lies another problem - There's too much competition, and because there aren't enough gigs to go around comedians have to enter shit competitions. Many comps make you lose the will to live, unless you're good, which I'm not. Decent rivals will look like a comedic Lionel Messi, and you end up like a rubbish Man Utd defender. Chris Smalling.

Ben Morgan will be quitting stand-up comedy after his Brighton based gig finishes, in Nov 2015.

Next show is on Thursday 26 Feb at Caroline of Brunswick. Ben is giving away loads of FREE tickets because he has given up trying to make people part with their cash. Simply click 'attending' on the Facebook event page for freebies:

https://www.facebook.com/events/801994206558555/?ref_newsfeed_story_type=regular