31/10/2014 07:12 GMT | Updated 29/12/2014 05:59 GMT

Halloween Was Better in the (Not So) Old Days

Ah, how Halloween seems to have changed.

If you were born in the 90s, you may remember suiting up as the Red Ranger in a troupe of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (Yellow if you were the least favourite member of the group), or you may have distinct memories of going to awkward and rubbery-smelling kids' Halloween parties wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask that was both restrictive and awfully steamy on the inside.

If you were born in the 60s, I'm sure your Halloween memories are ones of stitched Pocahontas costumes and whatever other racially insensitive things it was acceptable for children to wear back then.

Yet nowadays - in an era where not much goes right in the eyes of people older and more ill-tempered than myself (I believe segways would quickly put a dampen on that argument) - there has been an obvious - and 'sexy' - change in the dynamics of the age old holiday. I'm not saying that it's necessarily bad from everyone's perspective. A girl on my Facebook thought up the following nugget of wisdom:

"Thank gawd it's Halloween, the only time you can dress like a slut but not get judged"

..followed by a myriad of emojis that my computer couldn't read, but were undoubtedly in a pattern that was similar to 'Pumpkin | Flamboyant Party Poppers | Klansman Ghost | Happy Poo' (for the pure comedic effect of course)

Although this shift in the aim of an ancient Pagan harvest festival has turned 'All Hallow's Eve' into the favoured holiday of teenage girls in sexy outfits with an out-of-control habit for drinking in parks, it's exactly this change, to an annual seductive outfit party, that has ruined the day for me. From a young age I was never one for dressing up. In fact, the only time I dressed up for Halloween was about eight years ago, when I wore a black and red Prostar jersey to a family party. The cherry on my metaphorical scare-cake was a saggy Freddy Krueger mask, which obviously indicated that I had not watched 'Nightmare on Elm Street' and therefore didn't know his origins as an infamous child molestor. Oh well; I had fun, and the fact that I was wearing an extra-large scar mask meant that I was actually scary. This is where the problem lies. Should I want to reprise my role as a serial-murdering Halloween favourite, I have no doubt that I would only be able to buy a 'Slutty Freddy' costume, or a 'Sex Slave Chucky' outfit, which don't necessarily match my wants or my body confidence.

What happened to trick or treating in Scream masks? I'm not necessarily calling for that particularly anonymous, threatening tradition to come back where I live, but in principle I would much prefer it to French maids drinking a fishbowl out of a jack-o-lantern. In fact, where did trick or treating in general go? Last year, our house had no-one come. Whether that's due to a decline in the age-old aspects of Halloween or a rise in people hanging around street corners with fireworks and Buckfast, I don't know.

Though I'm running the risk of sounding like a person a lot older and more disillusioned with the state of this new-fangled world than myself, I will say it, HALLOWEEN IS NOT AS SCARY AS IT WAS BACK IN THE DAY! And by 'back in the day', I mean the day of the S Club 7 and constant Kenan and Kel around 10 years ago. You know what I mean though.