THE BLOG
29/02/2016 07:32 GMT | Updated 26/02/2017 05:12 GMT

10 Signs You're the Wrong Side of 35

For those of a certain age there is no endorphin rush quite like it: "ID? Me? But I'm over 35!" you gleefully boom, proffering your driving licence so everyone in the checkout queue catches a glimpse of your birth date. Getting ID'd doesn't happen often these days, but when it does, it's worth a Facebook status update eh, just to let everyone who wasn't with you in Sainsbury's know how youthful you're still looking. After all, hurtling towards the big 4-0 is no joke. Turning 30, it felt like ages away. Now, not so much. From 35 onwards, you're caught between a rock and a hard place called middle age. Yet you still feel the need to cling on to some degree of youthful recklessness, providing it doesn't give you a hangover and means you are in bed by 10pm. If this sounds all too familiar, chances are you're the wrong side of 35...

1) You feel conspicuous in Topshop and make a point of striding purposefully past the cropped tops and hot pants in case the tweenage clientele think you are 'mutton'. On the plus side, you can now afford to buy Topshop Unique.

2) You can't help analysing your neck for signs of 'crepiness' and consider buying neck cream. You can almost hear your twenty-year-old self laughing her head off.

3) Is that a jowl developing too? Watching make-up artists 'contouring' tutorials on Youtube is time well spent if it helps you to fake the jawline of your youth.

4) Wearing a slightly heeled boot feels incredibly glamourous. Those toe-mincing skyscrapers of your twenties are reserved strictly for weddings and Christmas parties. And there will always be a pair of ballet pumps concealed about your person on such occasions for the 'end of the night'. Or when you're too drunk to care.

5) You finally feel mature enough to start wearing Jo Malone perfume. A decade ago your sophisticated older boss lady wafted about the office in a fug of Pomegranate Noir. Well now you are the sophisticated older boss lady...

6) You start caring about wine. Now, instead of buying the cheapest, you can be found in Waitrose wine section fretting about whether the selection in your trolley will 'cellar well'.

7) All hail the silver fox crush; whether it's Marcus Wareing, Fred the French maître 'd from First Dates or the newly-greying Becks, only men of salt and pepper hair float your boat these days.

8) You have Radio 4 on in the background all day and start appreciating Woman's Hour.

9) In your twenties doing anything on your own, even shopping or having a coffee, made you feel like a social pariah. Now five minutes in a cafe alone without the kids feels as rejuvenating as a spa day.

10) You have no idea what Snapchat is. And you can't work out how to get on Twitter. Instagram is all you need anyway to add a flattering filter to your selfies. Black and white knocks years off.